Category: Blog

Dr. Braccio talks with Tony Conley on 8/14/12 about how success and failure when used appropriately can help a person have a good self-esteem.What is the meaning of personal success to every person and what is konya merkez eskort the meaning of personal failure to every person?  Of course, each is part of the process of the successful high self-esteem person.
To listen to this segment, go to our Speaking Psychologically podcast tab.

It appears Wade Michael Page was silifke eskort ilanları a hateful homicidal sociopathic murderer.  Sadly, this is becoming more common with the breakdown of the family and a society seemingly dividing into more and more competing angry groups.  The sociopath and easily led person can be at their worst in such an environment.  A poor economy and lack of spirituality only make things worse. Even excluding these problem areas there will always be evil persons doing evil deeds.  We need to do our best at identifying such persons and trying to make as sure as possible they do not become such persons or do such horrible acts.  On a lighter note, a University of Notre Dane study found honesty can help your health.

This topic was discussed by Dr. Braccio with Tony Conley on the Toney Conley Show on 7/7/12.  A sense of loyalty is something most of us hopefully gain in family interactions or early in life in important personal interactions.  Loyalty is a learned behavior that once developed allows one to develop positive relationships with family, friends, important persons in our lives and systems that require loyalty to succeed. President John Hannah turned down the Secretary of Defense when President Dwight Eisenhower offered it to him in 1957 because he had much to do at Michigan State University for all the current and future citizens he karatay kadın escort could help with his vision for a Land Grant University helping the world.  The famous story of the loyal dog who visited the grave of his master for fourteen years is a wonderful and powerful example of loyalty.  It is common sense if you are seen as loyal by family, friends, at work and in general interactions with others you will be respected and much happier than the person who lacks loyalty and is spurned/not trusted by others.

If you have questions or comments, please feel free to contact me directly.

The last Q/A newsletter we sent out related to a woman who wants to retire but her husband wants her to keep working until he can retire. As the baby boomers reach retirement age, questions about when mersineskort to retire are very common.  I deal with them regularly.  Typical questions are as follows: 1. Can I/we afford to retire now.  2. If not, when?  3.  Should I retire and get another job?  4.  Should I/we retire and move?  5.  Can we live the rest of our projected lives on what resources we have?  6.  What do you do when you want to retire and your house, which you planned to be part of your retirement financial resources, has lost a lot of equity that you may need?  7.  Will I have purpose in life? etc.

Negative TV Ads

Dr. Braccio talks to Tony Conley about negative ads on the Tony Conley Show

During this growing height of political ads a question can be….Why do politicians use dirty ads?  The following are some points kocasinan escort ilanları for discussion:  1.  People seem to be far more interested in a kidnapping or plane crash than Mary got straight As and the Grand River uneventfully went through Lansing yesterday. I read 9.1% ads were negative in 2008 and 70% recently in this election cycle.  3.  Countless surrogates can attack while the candidate claims no involvement.  4.  Attack ads present the opponent as dangerous, dishonest, deceptive, a crony to certain power interests, shifty, inconsistent, an opportunist, etc.  5.  Negatively and unfairly compare the candidate with your positive and superior traits.  6.  Hope words from extremely negative ads when said over and over again become ingrained in the listener who initially may be turned off by the add.  7.  Focus on emotional issues loaded with fear to turn someone against the opponent.  8.  Raise questions and hopefully some digging by the listener will lead to a changed vote.  9.  Tell half-truths with negative motive and hope people do not look for the facts.  10.  Etc.

As a statement, in a 50/50 election every vote counts and dirty adds are and will be part of the political landscape.  They also can turn people off so there is a danger.  My point is to help people be more aware as opposed to knocking anyone or any party.  The biblical quote fits perfectly:  HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN LET HIM CAST THE FIRST STONE.

If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to contact me directly.

Unexpected Death of Loved One is Especially Hard

Dr.Braccio talked on the Tony Conley Radio Show about the grief, pain and guilt that can occur kocasinan bayan arkadaş when a loved one unexpectedly dies.

The following points are discussed:

1.  An exceptionally difficult time is made worse by lack of preparation.

2.  Closure may not occur.  We feel guilt because we did not say goodbye or “I love you” to the deceased

person.

3.  We must dig deeply in our psyche and recognize the wonderful times shared together.

4.  If one has a sense of spiritually, we accept this is the time God allocated for our loved one and we will

meet again in a place where pain and death do not exist.

5.  The person will live as long as we remember him or her.

6.  The process of grief includes disbelief, crying, soul searching and eventually acceptance.

Listen to Dr.Braccio discuss with Tony bereavement and silifke eskort ilanları dealing with the unexpected loss of loved ones. 

Direct Download The .mp3

Hello Everyone!

I recently had a conversation with a person who told me how betrayed she felt when she realized her husband was having an affair. She asked I advise people of the typical silifke eskort ilanları signs that an affair is occurring.  She says she “foolishly” missed or tried to ignore them and wants to make sure others look for them to save themselves needless emotional agony.  Typical signs of an affair would be as follows:

1.  Better grooming/perfumes and colognes/unusual interest in appearance/improving body appearance/unusual emphasis on exercise.

2.    Unexplained time gaps.

3.    Less or more sex. 

4.    New sexual activities. 

5.    Deletion of phone and computer data. 

6.    Unexplained expenses including hotel bills and gifts you did not receive.

7.    Argue over anything and even use as an excuse to storm out of the house.

8.    Guilty looks and attitudes.

9.    Changes in outlook on life and problems with the marriage and their lives.

10.  Hang up calls and/or catching spouse having secret phone or computer conversations.

11.  Unwillingness to talk or resolve concerns in an open manner

A caution is to not jump to conclusions about a possible affair. Gently begin to raise concerns and seek discussion.

Depression, Chronic Pain and Headaches

Depression is a condition where the person is sad and experiences little or no joy in life.  The person needs a balance mersin anamur eskort bayanları in life and positive outlook.  Depression and chronic pain with headaches are difficult to copy with and often run together.  The effects can be so devastating to all aspects of a person’s life beyond what the average person would believe possible.  I have worked with many persons or that see their lives revolve around their headaches.  The Depression diagnosis is often missed or minimized because the headaches and chronic pain take all the attention.  The following strategies can help: Relaxation techniques, balance in life, positive outlook, deep breathing, spirituality, hypnosis, medication, counseling, yoga, visual imagery, distraction and dissociation.

You Can’t Protect Your Children Forever
Question
Dr.Braccio: I try konya merkez eskort to shield our children from disappointments. The problem is they seem to be bothered more and more about anything as they get older. My husband has always said I go too far in protecting them. Now, I must agree. My intentions have been good but my nine and ten year olds were so depressed and down a whole evening and into the next day when they could not see the movie we wanted to go to because all tickets were sold out. They were very upset and made a scene. I even tried to buy tickets from persons in line until my husband gently pulled me away. What should I do? My behavior and theirs is typical these days. I’m feeling very ineffective as a mother.
Answer
You are a loving mother. The problem is that you are trying to make a very imperfect earth perfect for your children. Many dysfunctional and chronically unhappy persons are in effect “created” because they never learn to deal with the normal ups and downs of life. Do not let this happen to your children. Emotional resiliency is a very health quality that is fostered through the learning of skills and adaption of attitudes through the trial-and-error, cause-and-effect experiences in our lives.
How one deals with adversity and challenge in life often determines a person’s character. To take “the road less traveled” and effectively help self and others is a choice a person makes after learning to effectively and humanely deal with problems one encounters in life. To engender these characteristics, skills and attitudes, you will need to model and practice them.
The key life quality you need to develop is balance If a bully is beating up one of your children at school, then you need to intervene on their behalf. On the other hand, if your child is just not getting along with someone or the person is just not being nice, you can advise your child on how to address the problem but do not become heavily involved and get mad at the other child or call his parents. That usually will only enhance the problem in the long run.
For your children to be so depressed over not being able to go to a movie for an extended period of time and making a scene is not normal even with a broad definition of “normal”. Disappointment would be reasonable, but not sulking and being depressed for a “whole evening and into the next day”.
Because the beliefs and behaviors of you and the children are so ingrained, you will have a very hard time making the changes you will need to do to help your children be able to deal with the normal disappointments in life. Accept that you love your children and have indeed given them a good life. To now show your love, you must let them cry, be hurt and sort out normal problems for themselves unless something very bad is happening to them. To be supportive and an available loving parent giving good advice is good parenting. You need to separate your esteem as a parent from your children’s emotional mood manipulations. In this way, you can develop a more supportive and effective loving approach to your relationship with your children.
The following are some things you can do:
1. Work with your husband to get perspective and consistency in your treatment of the children. His involvement could bring a positive force to help solve the problem.
2. Be an adviser to your children to help teach them to appropriately assess problems and how to solve them.
3. Admit to your children you have been too involved in their lives and need to back off.
4. Have family meetings to discuss how to appropriately deal with everyday life problems.
5. When problems occur and your children get unreasonably depressed and upset, help them use positive self-talk to give them a positive outlook. This is key because what we think strongly determines how we feel. You need to work on this yourself. Examples would be as follows:
Negative Self-Talk: “Life sucks because it’s raining and we can’t ride our bikes.” Positive Self-Talk: “Find something else to do and have fun. Ride your bikes when the sun comes out.”
Negative Self-Talk: “I wanted to see Bill today. He’s not home. My whole day’s ruined”.
Positive Self-Talk: “Call someone else. Find things to do.” Negative Self-Talk: “All the seats are sold for the movie. I’m so down and feel horrible.”
Positive Self-Talk: “Let’s pick another one. We also can go tomorrow and see it. The world is going to go on.”
You may find an experienced therapist could help you have appropriate perspective on what happens to your children and their reactions.
The road to change will be hard and slow, but the end result of well-balanced children who can deal with the regular rigors of life is worth the effort.

Question:
Dr.Braccio: I’ve been having some bad feelings about my parenting and the attitude of my 10 and 11 year mersin anamur eskort bayanları old children. My parents and three brothers are all very successful and have been very generous with us. My husband and their father left us alone years ago, lives far away, helps raise his girlfriend’s children, and sends nothing for the support of his own children. The problem is that one brother said I was raising unappreciative brats who demand and do not know how to say “thank you”. He had just taken them on a trip and they wanted everything they saw. I talked to my mother, even though more gently, she agreed with my brother. Even though it hurt her to tell me, she says she does feel my children are not grateful and even demanding. And worse yet, not appreciative like the other children whose parents are well off and help us. I guess I’ve wrongly felt we deserve things from our family because of how hard we’ve had it. I guess this has not been right. My dad also agrees. He says they’ve tried to tell me their feelings, but they obviously have not been direct enough. He simply said to have them say “thank you” more and teach them to be appreciative. He says that’s my job. What do you think? I know everyone loves us and will help.
Answer:
Your dad is right. They need to be appreciative and say thank you. I might add, the “thank you” needs to be sincere. Your dad is also right when he says that is your job.
That your life has been difficult is true. It also is true you are fortunate to have generous and loving parents, brothers, and their families. What is also true is that your children need to show appreciation when people help. That these person do it out of love for you is reason to show love back by being appreciative. As the old Spanish saying goes, ‘Love pays back with love’, (Amor se paga with amor.)
You need to have a heart to heart discussion with your children and tell them to be humble and appreciative. Let them clearly know they must always sincerely say “thank you” and not expect more and more things from family. Say their life would be much worse without the generous love and support of family. They must focus not on how unfair life has been to them, but rather how fortunate they are to have a loving, supportive, and generous family.
Of particular concern is that the children of your brothers are appreciative and yours are not. This does relate to parenting and your apparent unwillingness to set some appreciation limits for them. Even though the lack of parenting by the father is disgraceful, for your children to grow up unappreciative of what is done for them is a terrible outcome. Do not allow a “victim mentality” to overcome them when they expect things because of how bad the father is.
To meet with your family to discuss this situation could be helpful. Include your children in the process. You all need to work together to help teach them to be appreciative. With the love you all have, success can come if you all work together. I think you can and will.