February 27, 2024-Surviving a surprise divorce at any age can be very shocking,devastating and life shattering. A surprise divorce at 50 or older,called a “GREY DIVORCE”,can be particularly painful and difficult because at that age large percentages of couples have children out of the home,financial worries are often less and persons are thinking about a far less stressful future together in retirement and beyond enjoying their adult children and grandchildren. When this comes to a thunderous collapse and the person is now looking at a life away from their spouse or partner,life becomes a horrible mess. This would be true even if the two were not greatly in love. For many persons,they will have to sell their homes,work much longer than planned,lose many couple and joint personal friends,share what becomes limited financial resources,loss of security,loneliness,guilt,intense anger,low self-esteem and a horrible fear of what will become of them in an uncharted ominous future. The following are some suggestions on what to do when you are dealing with a “GREY DIVORCE” you were not expecting: 1. Accept your feelings and realize your grief period will be determined by you and not others. 2. Learn from the divorce but do not torture yourself for it. The marriage is over. 3. Guilt never helped solve a problem in the past. 4. Make sure the legal aspects of the divorce are handled by an attorney with broad “GREY DIVORCE” experience. The divorce settlement could relate to your current lifestyle and the level of work you will need to do because of your changed financial situation. 5. Do not bring your adult children into the divorce in spite of how hard it will be for you not to. They will have to emotionally work it out themselves. 6. Be kind to yourself and do not allow others to define who you are. 7. Talk to trusted family and friends about your hurt, grief and anger for emotional support. 8. Develop new routines to help set new paths in your life. 9. Seek out support groups and/or a trained therapist experienced in working with persons coming out of a “GREY DIVORCE” as you feel appropriate. 10. Do not isolate yourself. Do things and see people even if difficult. 11. Learn to enjoy being single as difficult as that may seem possible. 12. Develop your spirituality and purpose in life as you forge forth on your new life voyage.