Question
Dr.Braccio: My seventeen year old daughter always seems to focus silifke escort ilanları on negatives. She never thinks things will work out positively for her. In spite of her many successes, she interviews for jobs badly and always feels proven right when she does not get the job or what she wants. I also do this to some degree. How can I help her?
Answer
Your daughter’s negative thoughts lead to a defeatist self-fulfilling prophecy where she fails because she is convinced she will. Even though self-evident when you think about it, she highlights how outlooks shape what we achieve in life. For example, one does not become a business leader by not wanting to work long hours or try to motivate and inspire other persons.
I like to use the analogy of a bookcase with many books that encompasses all of one’s life. Negative persons only read and reread the one book of all their failures in life. Their successes in the many other books are ignored or minimized. This appears to be what your daughter is doing. It must stop now.
The following are some suggestions to help your daughter be more positive. It appears these suggestions could help you too.
1. Sensitively and directly tell your daughter her negative beliefs are creating her negative reality. 2. Help her develop positive outlooks by use of a positive affirmation for every negative one she has.
Examples would be as follows: Negative – “I am a dummy and will never get anywhere in life”. Positive – “I am intelligent and can realistically be what I want to be”. Negative – “Things will turn out badly for me”. Positive – “Things will turn out good for me because I plan and work hard”. Negative – “I will never get the job because I interview so badly”. Positive – “I will get the job by being positive and showing in the interview how much I want the job and what I can do”. Negative – “I must focus on my failures to be a realist about my poor changes for success”. Positive – “I must be positive and focus on my successes as I work hard to add new ones to the growing list”. Negative – “I’m negative!” Positive – “I’m positive!” Negative – “Success is based on luck”. Positive – ““Success is generally based on consistently good decisions over a period of time”. Negative. “I’m a loser!” Positive – “I’m a winner!”
We are what we think. Our actions reflect our belief structure. Your daughter thinks negatively in spite of what you call her “many successes”. Help her focus on her successes as she works hard to add more to the list.
Even though it will be hard to change her long ingrained negative beliefs, help her by following the suggestions above. The “new her” will help her to see her successes as natural and normal.
You might even try to change with your daughter in a joint project. It would be not only be helpful but great fun.