Question
Dr.Braccio: I’m actually both hurt and escort mersin angry with my husband. I can retire in four months and want to. I’m worn out physically and mentally. He can’t retire for four years and wants me to continue working. He says we can save more money and retire at the same time. When I told him we have enough money and I’m worn out, he yelled, “I’m worn out too but have to work and so should you”. I’ve backed off but want to retire. Our daughter feels he’s silly and jealous because I can retire and he can’t. Our pastor, who has a lot of influence over him, says to be patient and hopefully he’ll change his mind. He said he’ll help out if his views don’t change. What do you think?
Answer
I agree you have the right to retire if you feel this is the time. With that said, it would be helpful to the marriage if you two were in some type of agreement about your retirement. However, under these circumstances, you need his understanding and not his permission.
The problem is how to resolve this matter. Ideally, your husband will think about it and come to the reasonable conclusion retirement is a good choice for you. To continue working if you do not have to when you are “worn out physically and mentally” defies common sense. It also puts you at needless risk for various physical and emotional problems. For him to desire this for you reflects a lack of love and sensitivity for your needs. For you to go along with him and continue working would give you such great anger and needless frustration.
Without sounding harsh, there does appear to be an unfair quality to his desire that you continue working because he must. That is like saying because you wear glasse, that he must wear them too.
Even though it will be a hard decision for you because of his outlook, to retire when you can seems like the right thing to do. To risk your emotional and physical health when you do not have to is not reasonable. Your husband needs to accept this.
If he will not change, you may find your pastor because of his influence, has the best opportunity to soften his heart. Discussion and prayer can hopefully help solve the problem.
Hopefully your husband will see what he asks of you is unfair, unreasonable and even selfish on his part. If he does not change his mind and the pastor cannot help, you will retire knowing you did what was necessary and he will be angry and upset. If so, he will need to cope with it and eventually get over it. This may be one of those times when agreement is not possible.