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January 4, 2022
Let us begin by eliminating the narcissist who always wants to share information with an often seductive and always deceitful purpose in mind. The oversharing of persons who have social awkwardness and social anxiety has nothing in common with the self-serving communications of the narcissist. In fact,I have often found persons who are socially awkward and socially anxious are very sensitive and caring persons…A common problem for the socially awkward and socially anxious person is to overshare information in an inappropriate manner that makes the other person feel uncomfortable and makes them afterwards upset with themselves about how much information was inappropriately shared. This happens when someone may be anxious when the conversation does not seem to be going anywhere and they feel the need to fill it in with information that may go far beyond what would be appropriate in such a situation. For example, if in the checkout lane at the grocery store and someone asks you how you are and you start talking in detail about all the problems you are having with your spouse. This would not be appropriate. To do this with a co-worker or acquaintance would be worse. Persons do this often without thinking about possible negative consequences in relationships or making other persons uncomfortable when sharing too much about themselves. This information can even be used against them. Some persons also do this too often when trying too fast to move along a relationship and turn the person off. Another reason persons do this who are socially anxious is they worry about how they are being perceived and feel the need to be liked and wrongfully believe this can be best done by giving what they erroneously believe is an authentic presentation of how they are feeling. Being authentic is quite different from sharing information that is not appropriate. If this continues happening to you over and over again even when you start picking up cues they are uncomfortable with all the information you are sharing,this can become a big problem with the quality of your social interactions and even friendships. If this is a problem you are having, and it is more of a common problem than you might think, the following are suggestions on what to do to limit oversharing inappropriate information: 1.Think before you speak. Always have in mind what are appropriate and inappropriate things to say. 2.If in doubt or anxious about where a conversation is going or if there is silence, simply have some questions to continue the discussion rather than rambling on giving too much information. 3.Slow down the pace of the conversation when you are speaking to have more control over what you say. Too often,persons ramble on because of the need they feel to continue the conversation. 4.If using social media, think before you send messages to better determine what is appropriate to say or not say. 5.If you realize you are entering into a conversation that is going the wrong direction, shift the conversation and try to talk about something else. 6.Keep a journal of your conversations and see if there is a pattern to who and what you overshare and when you do it. You can use this information to help you not do it any more or at least begin to make it occur far less frequently. Your journal is a link into yourself to try to analyze and find why you are sharing the information with persons and start better monitoring the information you share at a global level. This will over time hopefully lead to a new communication style with persons. 7.You are far better off to feel awkward in a conversation and not overshare than feel guilty for what you said. 8.Talk to family,friends and persons you trust and ask them when they feel you have overshared information that could be seen as inappropriate and/or negative for you. 9.If you feel the need,seek out a trained therapist who can role-play with you on conversations you have had where you feel you have overshared information and learn techniques to overcome this problem.