Tag: keys to marriage

Subscribe to out YouTube page 🙂 WHY BEING UNDERSTOOD IS CRITICAL BETWEEN SPOUSES/PARTNERS 2-8-22 I believe we would all agree marriages are successful when loving persons understand and respect each other and their opinions. Problems in communication are the obvious results when spouses do not understand and respect the views and opinions of each other. This leads to arguments, hurt feelings, and even devastating ongoing interactions that can not only damage the relationship but can lead to its ending. It is essential each partner feels they are understood. When this happens, disagreements can be discussed in an open manner and resolution can occur. They need not always agree but must accept that each person can have an honest disagreement with the other. When differing views are not accepted or understood, and sometimes even attacked, the result can be feeling one is attacked and being disrespected. This can leave each completely misunderstanding the beliefs and views of the other. The important thing to do when a person feels misunderstood is not to attack the spouse but try to have communication where disagreements can be understood and resolved. While this will not be possible in abusive relationships, most relationships where disagreements occur can be resolved in a civil manner where love exists. Arguing and emotionally destructive bomb-throwing by spouses, who may love each other, certainly run the risk of falling out of love and either staying in an angry marriage or having a divorce. Following are some suggestions on what needs to occur when persons know there is love but feel they are not being understood and it is leading to hurt and/or angry feelings: 1. Use “I statements” to show how you feel rather than attacking your partner with the type of accusatory anger and even invective which will only lead to predictably more misunderstanding and emotional bomb throwing. 2.Try to have open discussion where feelings are presented in an open and honest manner where you do not come across as righteous but as a loving spouse who has dissatisfaction and needs a resolution of the feelings in a meaningful manner. 3. Do not always expect to change the views of your partner when there is obvious disagreement but to make sure your feelings are understood. 4. Before engaging in discussions when you are hurt and maybe feeling diminished, try to approach the discussion in a manner where honest discussion can occur. 5. Recognizing each may be unreasonable and expecting too much. This can only occur when each realizes and accepts this and is willing to change. 6. Except for emotional or physical abuse situations when healthy problem resolution cannot occur, it is important to be aware there can be disagreements that relate to parenting, financial expenditures, friendships, job choices, places to live, and on and on in an almost never ending stream. When this occurs, open-mindedness and a willingness to compromise are critical. The important thing for each spouse to feel understood is that each respects the views of the other in a nonjudgmental manner and is open to the awareness each person is different and will not always see things the same way. 7. To seek out a trained and experienced therapist in relationship communication could be helpful for problem resolution when one or both spouses do not feel understood and want the problem resolved.

Dr John Braccio & Dave Akerly of 1320 AM 2-1-22 of 1320 AM discuss SMALL INTENTIONAL ACTS MAKE A LONG TERM SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE/RELATIONSHIP

When people think of successful marriages/relationships, they usually are thinking of the big things that people do together that people can see. The success of the long-term marriage is based on intentional acts made every day that make each love each other more. To begin with, they never lose track of why they loved each other and they regularly make comments to each other to this end. They also have regular kisses, hugs, and thoughtful statements of appreciation and love. Too many couples fall into a pattern of monotonous routine to the point they lose track of themselves as a couple and each goes off in different life directions that eventually lead to such a separation that the relationship ends. The following are the types of small things that keep marriage intact even for a lifetime: 1. Appreciation. 2. Smiles. 3. Humor/Laughing. 4. Movie watching. 5.Planned date nights. 6.Planned sexuality. 7. Spontaneous sexuality. 8.Thank you statements. 9. Love notes, cards, messages, and emails. 10. Quiet times discussing feelings and activities that are important to each other. 11. Listening to music. 12. Walks together. 13. day or weekend getaways. 14. Dancing. 15. Quiet evening dinners topped off with chocolate and dessert. 16. Eliminate complaining as much as possible. 17. Use active listening to resolve problems. 18.Constant “I love you” statements with sincere meaning.

INTIMATE COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGES REQUIRES A WILLINGNESS TO BE VULNERABLE TO POSSIBLE BETRAYAL AND/OR INDIFFERENCE Fear of betrayal and/or indifference are mayor reasons people choose not to share deep feelings about themselves. They may have never learned how to trust or when they did people used the information as a tool to hurt them,including telling other people their deepest secrets that were only to be shared with that person. In a marriage,particularly during the time of the pandemic when couples and families are often in a lockdown mode for large periods of time,this can be a time to try to rekindle old feelings and share deep inner thoughts. Often,the couple has simply stopped sharing deep feelings due to the routine of everyday life taking over. If so,go back to the beginning and start anew. With couples or individual spouses who have never shared but have working marriages,take the risk and begin sharing deep feelings. It can be scary and difficult,but the emotional rewards can be overwhelmingly positive as the marriage accelerates into a merging of two person’s feelings into one. Someone needs to take the risk to begin. Why not you? Taking into account the wondrous possibilities for personal growth and love enhancement,why not start the process today? It may be awkward to begin,but the bountiful possible rewards to the marriage make it all very worthwhile. As the old Pepsi add proclaimed: GO FOR THE GUSTO!