May 28, 2025- It is critical that parents do whatever they can to allow their children to find their success in life. Even with the best intentions, parents run the risk of pushing their children to achieve things they feel are critical but not necessarily what would be critical to them. I believe it is safe to say we have all talked to parents who look back at how they raised their children and wish they had done things very differently. It is not that persons can go back and redo things, but they can use what they have learned to be helpful as they share their insights with children, friends and acquaintances as they raise their children. All of us are different and it is important to know that children come through us and not to us. What I mean by this is that the role of a parent is to teach morality and also help develop the particular skills and interests their children have. They may be different from ours and we need to accept that. When children are strictly pushed to achieve and behave in the way their parents determine, this can cause anxiety, depression, substance abuse, low self-esteem, parent/child alienation , delinquency, difficulties maintaining relationships, and either being submissive or rebellious to their parents. My point here is not to say that parents do not need to give direction and encourage children to do things that would help them succeed in life. No, my point is for parents to allow their children to become who they want to be and find their success. For a simple example,a parent may be a mathematician and would like their child to be a mathematician. The child may have no interest in mathematics and may desire to be a high school teacher or whatever. In a situation like this, it is important we not push our child to be a mathematician. They might become a good one, but might hate the work and have mental health issues in the future because of it. It also is amazing how many parents are obsessed with their child being number one academically or in sports or both. Their self worth is directly related to the success of their children. This is very unfortunate unless the parents and children have the same goals and the child has the ability and desire to accomplish them. This seems simple enough, but it is amazing how many parents cause a lot of emotional havoc for themselves and their children by either trying to live their lives through their children or pushing them to behave in a particular way that they feel they must. Good advice for parenting with children is to always try to be positive and not push their children in ways that can overwhelm them, and cause them to feel like failures if they do not meet the standard presented to them by their parents. Positive things to do as parents to help their children would include being supportive when their children are attempting to do good things, focus on the process of activities rather than just the end result,help our children realize that not always succeeding is part of the process of being successful, focus on the child being motivated from within and not just externally by their parents or other persons, have open communication and willingness to accept different views, and never forget that as you are a person so are your children. This can emotionally allow you to get some distance from simply wanting the children to be succeeding in a way that is important to you as opposed to what is important to them in finding their success. Being a successful plumber or attorney can be a very worthwhile goal versus being the largest plumbing company or highest paid attorney in the country. I personally have seen children berated by parents for not functioning as they desire them to function in sports and academics while in both areas they were being successful and satisfied. Finally, my point is not for parents to discourage their children from trying to do their best, but rather to accept that millions of persons are leading successful, fulfilling, and happy lives without feeling the need to be number one and always competing against everyone. This has occurred because parents have allowed their children to find their success.