November 10, 2026- There are few things more destructive to a relationship between a married couple or partners living together than each usually interpreting each other’s statements negatively. This leads to a corrosive level of interaction that if not controlled can lead to two very unhappy people living together or a divorce or break up that may not have had to occur at all. If each person genuinely loves each other, then maybe just taking an honest look at their interactions and how they wrongly interpret each other could turn things around and they could go back to loving each other and realizing why they got together in the first place. This is obviously easier said than done. The first thing to do would be to accept that you deeply loved each other when you came together. You then need to determine if there is enough love left to try to work things out. Assuming there is and each is willing to work at maintaining the marriage or relationship, the next thing to do would be to better understand the intent of messages sent between each other and recognizing that over a period of time each of you has come to distort the messages each sends. This leads to arguments back-and-forth when each of you would not really be mad at each other if you accurately interpreted messages sent that may have come with a positive message that is distorted into negativity. A simple example would be if someone asks if someone had picked up some milk at the grocery store on the way home and the person receiving the message interprets it as a sarcastic assumption the person forgot and did not pick it up and a personal attack. A spouse or partner may be asking the question simply to know if the milk had been picked up because it was necessary for the evening meal. When this occurs, it is important that each of you be able to sit down and talk about it without assuming all the negativity. You could begin working on this yourselves rather than seeking out a therapist or any other help to try to sort things out. If this does not work, an experienced therapist in such situations could be helpful. Try to realize why you fell in love and why you can still love each other. Then try to figure out what has happened over this period of time that each of you is so angry with the other that each statement is interpreted as an attack regardless of intent. Then there is the need to determine if you are going to make a try at falling back in love by being more sensitive and tuned in to the other person rather than assuming negativity. The assumption and advice here is that each accepts neither spouse or partner is malicious or verbally abusive, but rather each has fallen into a pattern of anger and frustration with the other due to their regular falsely interpreted interactions. This is the time to work on active listening when each person tries to intently listen to what the other is saying by not interrupting and assuming there is negativity in the statement. Another thing to do is to have code words that each will use when they feel the discussion is getting out of hand and there is need to either take a timeout or sit down to try to determine what is really the intent of the current conversation. Being kind and understanding to each other is very important in these situations. Going on dates and relearning how to enjoy each other can be very helpful. To reiterate what was said in a final statement, these recommendations are all made based on the fact both persons are good people, want the relationship to continue with love, and are actually not trying to verbally attack and emotionally abuse the other person.