08-04-2026
Toxic persons are those persons who try to diminish you, gaslight you, fight with you and
generally do whatever they can to make you feel bad about yourself. It continues to surprise me in my work as a longtime psychologist and also as a person meeting people as I walk the road of life how many people have toxic people in their lives that they stay connected to that they say they wish were not in their lives. When I ask them the obvious question as to why they continue to maintain the relationships, they sometimes seem surprised I would ask it. They then often say they cannot end it because they could be spouses, partners,family members, friends of friends, neighbors, church members or whoever else. When they honestly discuss their toxic relationship, they admit how much happier they would be if they were no longer in their lives or if they would just change. They also admit that the person most likely will not change because that is just the way they are and they have refused to change over and over again over the years in spite of the emotional pain they know they cause. Once the person realizes that the person is not going to change and they determine to detach the toxic person from their life, regardless of who it is, then positive mental health progress and healing can occur for the abused person. In some cases, this is very hard to do and persons may even decide to continue at least for now to maintain the relationship for one reason or another. Regardless of what you do, it is important in all your relationships to have boundaries, focus on self care as an absolute priority, focus on self-worth improvement, demand mutual respect, do not allow anyone but yourself to define who you are, and keep track of how you are doing in all relationships once your toxic relationship has ended. Once it is clear that you are with a toxic person in your life who is weighing on you emotionally and certainly impacting self-esteem and problems with anger, my general experience has been when you have had a long-term relationship with someone who is toxic to you and you have attempted to change things over time and they do not change, that you then need to detach yourself from the toxic person from your life. I am fully committed to making a marriage work and having relationships with parents and friends. With that said, I also realize that some relationships become so toxic that they are totally destructive to the person and it is best they determine to detach that person from their lives. When someone decides to do this, they generally will need friends who they can count on to support them, maybe a pastor or priest, and potentially a therapist experienced with helping persons deal with extracting toxic persons from their lives. Even if it is very difficult, the emotional self-esteem rewards when detaching the toxic person from your life will greatly outweigh the difficulties.

July 28, 2026- It is clear that being a responsible person does pay off in life. Being a responsible person means you take responsibility for decisions you make that may or not work out as planned or happen to us because of our decisions to do or not do something. It means being honest and doing what you say you will do. You take care of things you do as basic as cleaning up a mess in the kitchen to being a truthful person to all, a reliable parent, partner and friend. This is said recognizing all of us have flaws and do not always live up to being as responsible as we could be. With that said, the goal is that we try to be as responsible as possible. One current problem area would be owing large amounts of money after getting a college degree that does not offer you a good job you would desire because the degree you chose to earn did not teach the training and skills needed in the workplace. It is very difficult because you have all this education and often owe a lot of money. Rather than being angry at the school or persons who may have advised you to get your degree, you need to recognize you did make the decision and now you need to make decisions that will lead to a good vocation and the type of income you need or desire. Another example is the frustrated person who never got around to picking up any particular skills and is unhappy at the job they have with small income. My advice is not to be upset about not having a career and a good income, but rather seek out a career now you desire and get the necessary training. We can find problems from bad decisions ranging from not being responsible as a parent or spouse to not cutting the grass as you promised. Positive outcomes of being responsible for one’s own decisions include good self-esteem and self-respect, respect from others, good relationships with partners, children, family, friends, and acquaintances, not being a burden to others, doing things that need to be done and not bothering others, placing the needs of others above your own as appropriate and at times needed, consistent behaviors and attitudes, being reliable, telling the truth in all relationships, solution oriented decision-making, not blaming others, listening and trying to understand the views of others, and generally being an honest person who can be trusted in all circumstances. I again indicate human beings are not perfect. There are times that we will fail, but the goal is to be as responsible as we can be in all dealings with others and ourselves. Happiness and satisfaction are the result of good decision-making in our lives. We in effect are the reflection of the decisions we make and the resulting life we lead. #PersonalResponsibility #Accountability #PersonalGrowth

August 11, 2026- Because of my regularly doing psychological evaluations pertaining to spinal cord stimulators to help reduce pain, I am often talking to people who are in chronic pain and seeking relief. Also because I have treated persons to offer mental health suggestions on how to overcome chronic pain, I am aware that large numbers of persons have had to find ways to cope with pain as best they can resulting from arthritis, osteoporosis, sciatica, slipped discs, fibromyalgia, neuropathy, migraine headaches, or any other situation that causes chronic pain. Chronic pain is that type of pain that never fully leaves you. It may vary from day-to-day, but is always there. How persons individually cope with pain on a regular basis depends on the person and the pain they are dealing with as well as their ability and desire to find mental health techniques to help to go along with any pain medications they are prescribed. Finding and maintaining effective mental health strategies to overcome pain have become more important as we as a society realize that many pain medications are leading to addictions by persons in pain. The important thing to remember is that giving in to the pain is never acceptable because the end result will be anxiety, depression and worse pain. Mental health strategies to try to ameliorate pain and maintain gains that one has obtained through pain management would include positive affirmations that reinforce/support your strategies for pain management, realistic goals you remember as you deal with your pain, keeping track of your progress for reinforcement/encouragement, see going backwards as something that can occur but to always try to move forward, change goals based on the reality of your circumstances, accept challenges and difficulties will occur and try to resolve them as they come up as best you can, accept there are times you will need help and ask for it, a strong sense of spirituality can also be helpful, do progressive relaxation, deep breathing, and self hypnosis to help reduce pain, anxiety and depression when the pain is strong and is hard to cope with, reward yourself as you continue on your road to maintaining your ability to fight your pain as best you can, and possibly seeking out a therapist experienced in pain management to help you as you mentally try strategies to help ameliorate your chronic pain and maintain it. My final point is that chronic pain is something horrible to deal with day in and day out and any mental health strategy that can be used to help eliminate it and maintain pain relief needs to be considered and tried.