June 23, 2026-
Everyone periodically can fall into a shopaholic spending spree. For clarification, we are not talking about the person who has a Compulsive Shopping Disorder(CSD) to the level they are in severe financial distress with resulting anxiety and depression because of their compulsion. No, we are talking about the person who spends too much money on shopping and desires to control the spending urges. A person with a severe compulsion to buy who cannot stop on their own very likely needs to find a therapist experienced in compulsive behavior and potentially a group to sort out the problem. The problem we are discussing here is when being a shopaholic leads to you spending beyond your means or simply wasting money spending on things you do not need but feel you want in the moment. When you decide to quit being a shopaholic, a simple plan to start besides cutting up the credit card and waiting a week before buying something you want, is to designate a period of time to only get what you need and when you need it. This is much easier said than done. During this period, on a daily basis, determine what motivates you to buy as urges come forward to buy things and you control what you spend. Typical reasons would be Internet ads, deals from retailers you commonly buy, shopping trips with friends or family, peer pressure to buy, surfing sites like Amazon, a bargain you cannot resist, or a desire to own something regardless of your need. If you want to effectively stop being a shopaholic, you need to distinguish between need and want. Many people have a problem with this distinction. You need to do it to control your shopaholic spending habits whether you are 15 or 80 years old. Minimizing shopping trips with friends or family can help. Most people can remember coming home from shopping or the shopping trip with many things they really do not need and not even sure they want after they have them. Being willing to return things that one determines they do not need or they do not use is part of the process of stopping being a shopaholic. The more you do this the more you will realize how many things you buy that you do not need. It is a wise thing to look at how many clothes or books or whatever you have bought and see if you ever used them. While hopefully on a much smaller scale, you may find you have become “Emelda Marcos” in the present. You might remember that during her period as the First Lady of the Philippines, she had at least 1060 pairs of shoes. You do not want to fall into the pattern of going shopping and talking about how much you saved while ignoring or not wanting to admit how much you spent. It is difficult to stop being a shopaholic, but now is a good time to start.

June 16, 2026- I strongly believe family meetings can enhance family unity and communication. This is true even in our world where we no longer always have the nuclear family and there often is one parent raising children, parents co-parenting children, or there is some combination of family members in a blended family. I would argue that regardless of the composition of the family, having family meetings on a regular basis can be very helpful. In such a fast paced world where social media and the Internet can capture the attention of children and adults for a good share of a day, it is important that there be times that families meet and discuss things related to them. I would suggest these be on a weekly basis to the point they become something that is expected and often pulls the family together when distractions separate family members from each other. Typical things that
can be gained from regular family meetings would include improving family communication by having all members communicating, allowing children and adults to discuss their feelings and make arguments about what their needs are and what is important to them, a place that is psychologically safe where everyone can share their feelings and not feel they are going to be attacked or not be listened to, observe parents modeling tolerance and understanding, everyone can have a sense of belonging, resolve conflicts that otherwise can simmer and lead to breakdowns in the family, using communication to enhance understanding in relationships, teaching children and parents alike how to listen, share home work responsibilities and work together as a team, compromise, teach leadership through parental modeling that will carryover not only from family meetings but to other relationships in life, and develop a closeness among family members that often is lacking. Parents often do not do this because life can be so hectic that it is hard to have a time when people can sit down and talk. It also happens because it does not seem to be something that is really promoted as important in our society. I am not saying that people are opposed to family meetings. No, I am simply saying it does not seem to be something that people are talking about and doing as a priority. I can say from my interactions with people in my work and life in general that family meetings are not common. It is not easy to just sit down and have family meetings. It is best they have been developed as the family was growing and became a natural thing for people to do. This is something that should happen at least once a at a time that is picked each week to get everybody together and talk. It is never too late to start. My advice is to begin trying it and see how it works out. It may be awkward initially, but the possibility of developing better family communication certainly makes it worth the effort.

June 6, 2026- Too many people live a life where everything is competitive. They see every event and situation
as a win-lose or zero-sum situation with a winner and a loser. Having a clear winner may be
reasonable in sporting events and even fair competition for a specific job where skills and
talents are evaluated in the decision process. If we exclude those kinds of situations, most
situations we encounter in life are best dealt with from a win-win perspective. This means the
goal of negotiating or bargaining is that each person gains some of what they desire to the level
of being satisfied. There is not a winner and a loser, but two winners. This requires maturity and
a desire to negotiate fairly with a goal of everyone being satisfied. In such a situation, both
persons are willing to give up something to get something in return. The end result is both have
a level of satisfaction and future negotiating will be much easier to occur. A positive mental
health outcome is that persons who want to live in a world of win-win interactions with people
are usually better liked by others and are comfortable with themselves. For clarification, we are
not talking about people who just give in and often have anger and resulting anxiety and
depression because they do not get what they desire in life. No, we are talking about well
balanced persons who try to be team players in interactions with others. Examples of win-win
situations would be equally sharing duties in a household, further education for employees that
gives them incentive to stay with the company in spite of a risk of them leaving and makes them
more valuable employees, dividing a business territory where each will offer services and not
attempt to knock out the other one, fairly sharing expenses in all endeavors, determining not to
dominate conversations and use active listening for fair and better communication, sharing work
fairly in the workplace with fellow employees, and dividing up responsibilities fairly between
owners of a company…General outcomes of win-win interactions would be that everyone has
some success and is a winner, no one feels overwhelmed or treated unfairly by someone,
relationships are much better, success is shared, opportunities for further advancement for all
often occurs through the outcomes of win-win interactions, and better mental health for persons
who do not have the desire to dominate and control others with a zero-sum outlook on life. With
this said, we also must accept and be aware that persons with the best intentions can
sometimes not come up with a win-win situation and need to indicate this and move forward
from their disagreement. This is hopefully done in good faith with a willingness to meet again if
there becomes a possibility of obtaining a win-win situation for each person.