November 10, 2026- There are few things more destructive to a relationship between a married couple or partners living together than each usually interpreting each other’s statements negatively. This leads to a corrosive level of interaction that if not controlled can lead to two very unhappy people living together or a divorce or break up that may not have had to occur at all. If each person genuinely loves each other, then maybe just taking an honest look at their interactions and how they wrongly interpret each other could turn things around and they could go back to loving each other and realizing why they got together in the first place. This is obviously easier said than done. The first thing to do would be to accept that you deeply loved each other when you came together. You then need to determine if there is enough love left to try to work things out. Assuming there is and each is willing to work at maintaining the marriage or relationship, the next thing to do would be to better understand the intent of messages sent between each other and recognizing that over a period of time each of you has come to distort the messages each sends. This leads to arguments back-and-forth when each of you would not really be mad at each other if you accurately interpreted messages sent that may have come with a positive message that is distorted into negativity. A simple example would be if someone asks if someone had picked up some milk at the grocery store on the way home and the person receiving the message interprets it as a sarcastic assumption the person forgot and did not pick it up and a personal attack. A spouse or partner may be asking the question simply to know if the milk had been picked up because it was necessary for the evening meal. When this occurs, it is important that each of you be able to sit down and talk about it without assuming all the negativity. You could begin working on this yourselves rather than seeking out a therapist or any other help to try to sort things out. If this does not work, an experienced therapist in such situations could be helpful. Try to realize why you fell in love and why you can still love each other. Then try to figure out what has happened over this period of time that each of you is so angry with the other that each statement is interpreted as an attack regardless of intent. Then there is the need to determine if you are going to make a try at falling back in love by being more sensitive and tuned in to the other person rather than assuming negativity. The assumption and advice here is that each accepts neither spouse or partner is malicious or verbally abusive, but rather each has fallen into a pattern of anger and frustration with the other due to their regular falsely interpreted interactions. This is the time to work on active listening when each person tries to intently listen to what the other is saying by not interrupting and assuming there is negativity in the statement. Another thing to do is to have code words that each will use when they feel the discussion is getting out of hand and there is need to either take a timeout or sit down to try to determine what is really the intent of the current conversation. Being kind and understanding to each other is very important in these situations. Going on dates and relearning how to enjoy each other can be very helpful. To reiterate what was said in a final statement, these recommendations are all made based on the fact both persons are good people, want the relationship to continue with love, and are actually not trying to verbally attack and emotionally abuse the other person.

November 3, 2026- Not necessarily. It depends on the circumstances. It is reasonable for a parent lying with their
child to read, hug or share some non-sexual time together of affection. It also can be reasonable
for the child to sleep with a parent under certain circumstances. It becomes a problem when it
interferes with the child’s emotional development to be able to become independent or can
interfere in the parent’s ability to have their personal life and be able to sleep in peace. Positive
and emotionally healthy situations to lie and sleep with your child would include giving support
and encouragement to a child who has had a bad day, upset after a nightmare, does not feel
well or just needs some quality time to hug and express non-sexual love and caring with a
parent. It becomes a problem if the parent is seeking emotional affection that needs to be
coming from an adult and not your child. It is a major problem if the child is afraid to sleep alone
and can have panic attacks and separation anxiety that could lead to very stressful and poor
psychological development of the child, and if not controlled, can lead to codependency.
Codependency is very bad and damaging emotionally to both the parent and the child. It leads
to a situation where the child becomes psychologically debilitated from a personality and
developmental level and the parent becomes equally debilitated personally and developmentally
by taking on all the burdens of the child to the point that each inappropriately depends on the
other in order to function emotionally. This is very counterproductive and will end up being a
disaster emotionally and personally for both. This codependency can begin early and can
extend late into the life of both persons. The overall point here is that it can be fine for a child to
lie and sleep with a parent under appropriate circumstances from ages 11 and under, and it can
be very inappropriate. I have given examples when it is appropriate and when it is not
appropriate.

October 27, 2027- Biographical Pain is a term used by British Professor and gerontologist, Malcolm Johnson, to describe the psychological and spiritual suffering that older persons can experience when they reflect back on the experiences and personal interactions they had in their lives and they do not
have closure. This causes psychological distress. They recognize they have a limited time on
earth and before they die they fear they will not be able to have the closure they desire on many
things. These include such things as not having said goodbye to persons, behaving contrary to
spiritual or moral beliefs, wondering if a parent or someone else really loved them, why did they
philander, why did they treat persons poorly, broken promises that cannot be resolved, why was
a parent or someone close to them so mean or cruel to them, general regrets about life, wanting
answers from persons who long ago died and never can be answered, unfulfilled dreams that
never were appropriately sought, and wanting to say they are sorry to persons no longer alive.
These and other situations can result in true urgency to close things out in their lives on a
positive note. Biographical Pain can occur in persons regardless of any successes they may
have experienced. Causes for this Biographical Pain would include feeling guilty, needing
answers that cannot be answered, negative self evaluation that cannot be changed, long-term
guilt, long-term grief, believing their life has been wasted, they can no longer make decisions to
make their life meaningful and bad relationships with family and friends that cannot be resolved.
Persons who are relatively young and living their lives day to day in an active way are clearly
not thinking about the end of life when they may have so many questions and concerns that
need to be answered that have not been answered and cannot be answered. Good advice to
not have this situation happen to you is to try to resolve questions that you have in the present.
Try to get them answered as best you can. If you did not do this and you find yourself in the
twilight of your life and having many concerns that you would like to have resolved, it can be
helpful to find a trusting person or more that you can discuss your feelings and try to get them
all out and resolved as best you can at this time. It also could be helpful to meet with an
experienced therapist to discuss these concerns and try to reduce the emotional and spiritual
pain you may be experiencing. Many persons who have spiritual beliefs do not focus on them
much or enough during their lives. This often changes as the person nears the end of their time
on earth. When this occurs, meeting with a pastor or priest could also be helpful to resolve
spiritual concerns you feel need to be resolved.