05-19-2026
Too many adults are very unhappy and sometimes functioning very poorly as adults because of growing up with toxic parents in dysfunctional homes that had various degrees of instability, physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and just emotionally unhealthy conditions. At a minimum, it was bad modeling and children coming from these homes as adults often find it very
hard to know what is appropriate behavior in relationships with people ranging from short term interactions to close friends and family members in a stable manner. This instability can lead to poor relationships, poor academic achievement, lacking trust in others, anger, poor employment behavior, eating disorders, inappropriate sexual behaviors, anxiety, PTSD, depression and poor self-esteem. In order to overcome these problems as adults, it is important that the person let go emotionally and physically from parents and family members who are toxic and cause them emotional distress. Emotional healing is done by accepting what happened and see the poor behavior of their parents for what it really was. Do not try to sugarcoat it and not allow these previous bad parental behaviors to control who you are as a person now. You need to learn to trust others based on how they are treating you. When you determine who you can trust, you can then be honest with them to gain some insight into your behaviors and how you look at life. As appropriate, seek out a trained therapist with experience with adults who grew up in dysfunctional and psychologically devastating homes to learn the right path to personal satisfaction and not allowing the past to destroy the present and future. The combination of counseling and the person learning to make good decisions in relationships with others can lead to a successful and happy life in the present, which means there will be a good future with the emotional and physical destruction from the past put in its appropriate dumpster and not being allowed to be destructive as you lead hopefully a happy and successful life. It is critical adults who grew up in dysfunctional toxic homes not allow their parents who mistreated them to negatively impact their ability to lead successful lives with others and themselves in the present.

May 12, 2026- While it is true that women often will not commit to a relationship, our topic today is why men will not commit to a relationship. This is frustrating and can be devastating to a woman who is looking forward to a relationship with a man who just will not commit. At times these men may seem close and they may profess love and do all the things one would expect as steps leading to the final lifetime commitment. That these steps do not lead to a final commitment shows it is a problem not only for the person who will not get the commitment, but often for the person not giving it. I have known many men over the years who could not make a commitment and ended up making a commitment to someone else they loved, but they feel they could have loved someone more if they had only made the commitment when the time was right. Typical reasons a man will not commit would include fear of responsibilities, fearing a loss of freedom, not willing to give up the single life, has had previous disastrous relationships, fear of committing again and being rejected, difficult growing up home experiences that make him fearful to enter a lifelong relationship with someone, fear of arguing constantly in a home and not having peace, unfulfilled career educational goals, fears of abandonment, feeling unworthy of being loved, poor timing in relation to where they are in life and desire to be, cannot make a person number one but always number two or lower, happy with the relationship the way it is, may only want sex, may want many women and not only one, desires to be more stable financially, not comfortable if the partner is making more income than he is, and many other reasons that can exist. While this may seem like a large list of reasons that persons are fearful of entering into a lifelong commitment, there are things to do to counter these potential problem areas and make sure you are not drawn into a never-ending relationship with no commitment to you. They would include determining what you want and need as a relationship develops, indicate to your partner openly and do not hide them and then develop great anger and frustration, become friends first and sexual partners second, keep things very basic and simple as far as your goals and desires, be patient but have a clear ending time so you can maintain self-respect and an opportunity to find someone who wants to be committed to you for a lifetime. It also can be helpful when in such a situation to seek the advice of loving family and friends as well as a trained therapist experienced in such situations.

December 23, 2025- I always enjoy doing our annual segment on Christmas. Christmas is a special time for me as a Christian along with 2 billion other persons. It is a time for humility as one realizes how much better they could be by trying to improve themselves not out of guilt but out of desire to be more like the Prince of Peace,Jesus Christ,and focusing on treating others as you would have them treat you and try to enhance themselves to be better persons. We all fail at times. Let Christmas be a time to work at being the best we can be and eliminate behaviors that are inconsistent with being a Christian. I also believe one does not need to be a Christian to enjoy Christmas. I can certainly appreciate and respect Hanukkah,Ramadan and other religious holidays that are not Christian. To me, the ongoing Christmas spirit for everyone is best summed up by the biblical golden rule: “Do unto others what you would have them do unto you.” My point here is that Christ really was the Prince of Peace. He came not to kill and destroy, but rather to offer a road to eternity for those who accepted him as their savior and were willing to live a life dedicated to him. To me, the Christmas spirit is a time that we do act out of love, caring and a commitment to human beings and try to do whatever we can to advance them. It also is true a person can be a Hindi, Jew, Muslim, secular humanist or whatever one might want to be and still accept Christ as the Prince of Peace and somebody who came to the world to offer humankind a strong moral way to live and help others. This is unfortunately often lost at a time when people get overwhelmed with buying and giving gifts, meeting with family members they really do not want to meet with and being forced into social settings again with persons they do not care for and would not be with, but need to due to family or work expectations. If in one of those situations, my advice is to be pleasant and do what one has to do as often happens during Christmas and the holidays. Try to always remember what the purpose of Christmas is as we celebrate either the Lord and Savior for Christians or a good human being offering all of us a roadmap to being a better human being on earth. It also is a time as we have discussed before where the Hallmark Movies can bring some tears to the eyes as they show how love can be kind during the Christmas time. I particularly like the Hallmark Movie, “Finding Christmas Father”. It also is a time to think of the always popular “Christmas Carol” written in 1843 by Charles Dickens, where Ebeneezer Scrooge ends up being a good person and looks after Tiny Tim and his family during and after Christmas. My final comments are that you enjoy the spirit of Christmas and think of Christ as either your Savior or a wonderful human being who came forward to offer peace and tranquility to persons who are willing to focus on helping others and being the best they can be as human beings. Also,do not allow yourself to be overwhelmed by persons who claim to be Christians but do not behave as Christians should or the negative appropriation that comes from the commercialization of Christmas.