May 12, 2026- While it is true that women often will not commit to a relationship, our topic today is why men will not commit to a relationship. This is frustrating and can be devastating to a woman who is looking forward to a relationship with a man who just will not commit. At times these men may seem close and they may profess love and do all the things one would expect as steps leading to the final lifetime commitment. That these steps do not lead to a final commitment shows it is a problem not only for the person who will not get the commitment, but often for the person not giving it. I have known many men over the years who could not make a commitment and ended up making a commitment to someone else they loved, but they feel they could have loved someone more if they had only made the commitment when the time was right. Typical reasons a man will not commit would include fear of responsibilities, fearing a loss of freedom, not willing to give up the single life, has had previous disastrous relationships, fear of committing again and being rejected, difficult growing up home experiences that make him fearful to enter a lifelong relationship with someone, fear of arguing constantly in a home and not having peace, unfulfilled career educational goals, fears of abandonment, feeling unworthy of being loved, poor timing in relation to where they are in life and desire to be, cannot make a person number one but always number two or lower, happy with the relationship the way it is, may only want sex, may want many women and not only one, desires to be more stable financially, not comfortable if the partner is making more income than he is, and many other reasons that can exist. While this may seem like a large list of reasons that persons are fearful of entering into a lifelong commitment, there are things to do to counter these potential problem areas and make sure you are not drawn into a never-ending relationship with no commitment to you. They would include determining what you want and need as a relationship develops, indicate to your partner openly and do not hide them and then develop great anger and frustration, become friends first and sexual partners second, keep things very basic and simple as far as your goals and desires, be patient but have a clear ending time so you can maintain self-respect and an opportunity to find someone who wants to be committed to you for a lifetime. It also can be helpful when in such a situation to seek the advice of loving family and friends as well as a trained therapist experienced in such situations.

December 23, 2025- I always enjoy doing our annual segment on Christmas. Christmas is a special time for me as a Christian along with 2 billion other persons. It is a time for humility as one realizes how much better they could be by trying to improve themselves not out of guilt but out of desire to be more like the Prince of Peace,Jesus Christ,and focusing on treating others as you would have them treat you and try to enhance themselves to be better persons. We all fail at times. Let Christmas be a time to work at being the best we can be and eliminate behaviors that are inconsistent with being a Christian. I also believe one does not need to be a Christian to enjoy Christmas. I can certainly appreciate and respect Hanukkah,Ramadan and other religious holidays that are not Christian. To me, the ongoing Christmas spirit for everyone is best summed up by the biblical golden rule: “Do unto others what you would have them do unto you.” My point here is that Christ really was the Prince of Peace. He came not to kill and destroy, but rather to offer a road to eternity for those who accepted him as their savior and were willing to live a life dedicated to him. To me, the Christmas spirit is a time that we do act out of love, caring and a commitment to human beings and try to do whatever we can to advance them. It also is true a person can be a Hindi, Jew, Muslim, secular humanist or whatever one might want to be and still accept Christ as the Prince of Peace and somebody who came to the world to offer humankind a strong moral way to live and help others. This is unfortunately often lost at a time when people get overwhelmed with buying and giving gifts, meeting with family members they really do not want to meet with and being forced into social settings again with persons they do not care for and would not be with, but need to due to family or work expectations. If in one of those situations, my advice is to be pleasant and do what one has to do as often happens during Christmas and the holidays. Try to always remember what the purpose of Christmas is as we celebrate either the Lord and Savior for Christians or a good human being offering all of us a roadmap to being a better human being on earth. It also is a time as we have discussed before where the Hallmark Movies can bring some tears to the eyes as they show how love can be kind during the Christmas time. I particularly like the Hallmark Movie, “Finding Christmas Father”. It also is a time to think of the always popular “Christmas Carol” written in 1843 by Charles Dickens, where Ebeneezer Scrooge ends up being a good person and looks after Tiny Tim and his family during and after Christmas. My final comments are that you enjoy the spirit of Christmas and think of Christ as either your Savior or a wonderful human being who came forward to offer peace and tranquility to persons who are willing to focus on helping others and being the best they can be as human beings. Also,do not allow yourself to be overwhelmed by persons who claim to be Christians but do not behave as Christians should or the negative appropriation that comes from the commercialization of Christmas.

Christmas 2025-A person’s self- worth is critical to their happiness in life. It has amazed me over the years when doing intakes with clients how many of them have feelings of worthlessness. This is very sad
when one realizes how critical it is for persons to believe in their ability to achieve in life and
have positive relationships with people. If someone has feelings of worthlessness about
themselves,they do not see themselves as worthy to be with persons of character and strong
self-worth. Instead, they often live on the edges of life and wait for psychological and even
physical abuse because of their belief they have no worth to themselves or anyone else.
Persons like this can have some successful relationships and also obtain employment. The
problem is in most relationships they tend to be with persons who direct them, bully them or
generally control the course for whatever they do with them. This happens in abusive
relationships where we see people beaten into the ground emotionally and sometimes
physically over and over again because they believe they are worthless and deserve such
treatment. Persons who see themselves as worthless do not have psychologically healthy
relationships because they do not see themselves as worthy of having them.
The sad thing is that many persons feel worthless because this belief is entrenched as part of
their personality. When someone is like this, they have little hope for happiness in life and the
only glimmer of happiness they get is from someone who may be taking advantage of them,
gives them a smile or tells them in spite of their worthlessness, they can get a few things done
right with appropriate direction. The question then becomes, what does one do when they have
genuine feelings of worthlessness and cannot muster the energy, desire, and will to be
successful because they believe they are worthless and it is not possible? To begin you need to
take a time out and come to the conclusion you are worthwhile, can advance in life, can be
loved and be happy. You must accept the fact you are not worthless and whatever flaws or
deficiencies you have, you have the ability to work on them and develop them as well as
acknowledging the strengths you have and develop them. You immediately need to be around
good people who are willing to be supportive to you, not take advantage of you and just accept
that you are a worthwhile person. This is much harder to do than one might think. When one
has ingrained views of themselves as worthless and have lived lives where they have lived up to
that low expectation, it is hard, even if you finally come to the conclusion you are not worthless,
to go forward and make the decisions that will make you feel like a worthwhile person who
deserves a positive life with friends and job opportunities consistent with your abilities.
Something called cognitive restructuring is also critical. This is when a person starts kicking out
negative thoughts and replacing them with positive thoughts. A basic one is if you keep telling
yourself you are worthless and do not deserve anything good in life, you have to come back and
say you are a worthwhile human being and you do deserve good things in life. You also need to
take an honest inventory of your skill sets and determine which ones can be developed now to
best advantage you in life. Make today the last day you will see yourself as worthless and the
beginning of a time you will see yourself as worthwhile and have a happy life where you will not
be taken advantage of by those who accepted your views of yourself as a worthless person. If it
is late at night that you hear or read this, take the night off and begin tomorrow morning on your
happy voyage in life as a worthwhile person! If you find you are not able to make this transition
from feeling worthless to worthwhile, you may find an experienced therapist working with such
situations can best help you on your voyage to being the worthwhile and happy person you
know you can become.