Question
Dr. Braccio: My husband and I come from dysfunctional families with a long list of chronic mental health problems. In fact, a major reason we moved here was to have konya merkez genç kızlar a peaceful life way away from them. We have done that but I’m worried about our thirteen year old daughter. Except for some minimal anxiety and inattention, she’s doing well in life. My concern is if she will develop severe personality problems. My husband and friends tell me to quit worrying unless there are some problems. The school principal tells me the same thing. My husband also says we’ve overcome our dysfunctional homes and are doing fine. What’s wrong with me? Should I quit worrying? What should I do?
Answer
You are a concerned mother. Be proud of that. Talk positively about how well she is doing and that you are so proud of her. The problem is that your great concern could inadvertently and subtlety cause your daughter to believe she must develop problems and will. Let the self-fulfilling prophecy be one of hope versus “severe emotional problems”.
At a positive level, you yourself say “she’s doing well in life”. Even though various mental health problems can have a physical basis, a positive and supportive environment can certainly decrease their effects on a person. The fact you and your husband have separated yourselves from dysfunctional family members appears to be working due to the mental health success of both of you and your daughter. The fact your husband states both of you have “overcome your dysfunctional homes” seems to show environment, and not physical problems, caused many of the problems in your homes when growing up. A good environment can help your daughter be as effective of a person as possible. That she is doing well at thirteen is most positive and bodes well for her future success as a human being.
Because of the “chronic mental health problems” in your families, it only makes sense to keep a close eye on how your daughter is doing. Try not to be hyper-vigilant because this will only make her nervous and feel something must be wrong. It would be like a person with a plane phobic passing this horrible condition onto the child by constantly focusing on the dangers of flying in front of the child.
Your excessive concern could be the result of you playing old tapes in your mind from when you were growing up that something was wrong with you and now must be wrong with your daughter. Or you may harbor fears that you have not truly escaped the ravages of your own dysfunctional background. Focus the energy of your concerns here, thus eliminating subtle negative influences on your daughter. Throw that tape out and replace if with a tape that says, “My daughter is doing well. My husband and I are also doing well and doing a great job raising our angel.”
As with any child, if you believe she is having observable problems, as necessary, bring in experts who can identify potential problems with remedies. For now, enjoy your mentally healthy daughter. She must be a delight for you.
Any questions or comments would be appreciated!