Grandma Must Respect Parents’ Decisions

Question
Dr.Braccio: We have a touchy situation with karatay escort kızlar my mother-in-law. She looks after our two children after school until one of us picks them up at 5:30 or so. The concern is that we’re all way overweight and are trying to lose weight as a family. Our family doctor has us on a diet. She’s sabotaging us with the children by giving them every fatty food and drink you can imagine. As we cut back at home, she seems to be trying to shovel in more food into their mouths. She sometimes even gives them huge pieces of lasagna before they come home to eat. It seems we’re in a contest of wills. She says they won’t get fat at her house if we watch what they eat the rest of the time. We hate this but she does help us and we don’t want to fight with her. She and her husband are also very overweight. What should we do?
Answer
You and your husband need to firmly take on your parenting role. That the grandmother helps is positive but her not respecting the diet of the children is unacceptable and must change.
The first thing to do is for you and your husband to meet and clearly decide how you will address this problem. Do not meet with her unprepared or you may have a messy argument where everyone will be hurt and angry.
I suggest you jointly and firmly say how much you love her and appreciate her help with the children and the love she shows them with food and care. However, let her know the family is under doctor’s care for the weight problem. State she cannot sabotage this and please only give them what the two of you approve.
If she resists and says she will do as she pleases, then you need to make the decision to not let the children stay with her after school. This may be difficult, but this lack of respect for your parenting is such that you will lose the respect of your children if you give in to her. They also well remain overweight.
You also cannot put the children in the middle of the conflict. It would not be fair to ask them to defy their grandmother and not eat what she gives them. The adult is their grandmother and you need to expect adult behavior from her.
In addition to possible sabotage, it is possible the grandmother sees giving food as an expression of love. She may believe the joy she sees on their faces when eating lasagna outweighs any worries about weight. Considering everyone is overweight, this is very possible. Hopefully, she will gain a better perspective of what you are doing and what is healthy.
I hope this all works out in a manner that the grandmother changes and everyone can live happily as a loving family. If not, that will sadly be the choice of their grandmother. I would predict if you are firm, sensitive and filled with love that this will work out in a satisfactory manner.