Don’t Tolerate Son’s Lying Any Longer

Question 

Dr.Braccio:  We are finding out our ten year old son kocasinan escort bayan lies.  We knew he told “fibs”, but did not want to admit it was a big problem.  But the school counselor called and says they have caught him in lies to avoid punishment at school and our neighbors say he lied to their faces about when they saw him destroy some flowers in their back yard.  He does not like to admit what he does, but we have told him he must be truthful from now on.  He cries and is blaming everyone else.  He’s a late child for us and we’re hurting.  What can we do?

Answer

Insisting on honesty is the correct policy.  Your son is old enough to understand the impact of his lies.  He clearly needs to know you do also.

Reinforcing your son during times when he does choose to be honest will be helpful.  Praise that choice and reward it.

Deal with the lies in a very straight forward way.  There are to be “no excuses”.  He is manipulating your adult world and those at the school and at the neighbors when he chooses to lie.  It may be well invested energy to investigate the behaviors he performs that stimulate the purported “need to lie” in the first place.  Are these destructive behaviors?  Is he cheating or hurting others?  Why does he perform those activities in the first place?

Sadly, there are few models in our children’s world of media exposure and often in their social environment that actively promote honesty as a value.  That places a strong emphasis for that formation on you, as parents.

Another strategy would be to temporarily limit your son’s “sphere of influence”.  He can understand that he can earn his privilege to spin out his freedoms as he proves himself to be trustworthy.

If you have a spiritual orientation you can enlist the support of a minister or priest.

As you implement your “zero tolerance” for lying, do not be surprised if he fights you harder than ever before.  He knows you have minimized his lies and called them “fibs”.  He is hoping you will go back to the old ways.  You must not let your heart interfere with your helping your son by insisting he tell the truth.  His self-esteem is in the balance for people tire quickly of liars.

The goal is for him to be known as a person of honor who tells the truth.  That is a reasonable goal and something to strive for.  Do not settle for less.