braccioj Blog

The Wisconsin Massacre

It appears Wade Michael Page was silifke eskort ilanları a hateful homicidal sociopathic murderer.  Sadly, this is becoming more common with the breakdown of the family and a society seemingly dividing into more and more competing angry groups.  The sociopath and easily led person can be at their worst in such an environment.  A poor economy and lack of spirituality only make things worse. Even excluding these problem areas there will always be evil persons doing evil deeds.  We need to do our best at identifying such persons and trying to make as sure as possible they do not become such persons or do such horrible acts.  On a lighter note, a University of Notre Dane study found honesty can help your health.

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Great-Nephew Needs Unconditional Love

Question

Dr.Braccio:  Our 13 year old karatay bayan arkadaş great nephew has moved in with us from Illinois.  Our children are grown and out of the area.  He’s lost his parents and we’re his only family.  We didn’t know him well but took him in because we wanted to and there was no one else.  We could not bear to have him in foster care.  He’s a good boy but very shy.  The problem is that he’s almost too obedient to our wishes.  We’ve told him to feel comfortable with us but it’s like he’s afraid if he gets us upset we’ll make him leave.  He keeps saying he wants to do everything right and never be a bother to us.  What should we do?

 Answer

Keep doing what you are doing.  He needs your unconditional love as the basis for him to develop a solid sense of security in your home.  He has obviously been through a lot.  When you consider he has lost his parents, left the city where he lived, lives with family he does not know well, obviously has never developed a solid base of security, and knows he lives with you due to your kindness, he probably is worried if he gets you upset or is “a bother to” you that you will make him leave.  That would be consistent with the type of rejection and loss he has apparently had in his life.

 The following are some things you can do to build his base of security with you:

1  Have regular family discussions where you begin to develop the type of open communication you need.  He needs to know there is unconditional love in the home.

2.  Do casual things like car rides, going to the movies, getting a pizza, etc. to simply have relaxing times together to develop a sense of loving family.  This can help open him up emotionally in a low key way.  Church and community activities could also be helpful.

3.  Clearly identify what you find unacceptable and desired behaviors so there is no confusion on his part.

4.  Give him applause and approval when he does what you feel is appropriate.

5.  Reinforce to him that you took him into your home because you wanted to, that you plan to keep him, that you want him to feel secure, and most importantly, that you love him.

6.  Let him know what you expect of him and that your standards are that he try to meet them rather than do “everything right” and “never be a bother”.  That attitude will only lead to anxiety and guilt.

7.  Firmly and gently correct him when he does what you do not approve of but let him know you still love him and want him to live with you.  It does not appear he will ever be a major problem in the home.

8.  Talk to the school counselor and let him/her know his circumstances.  Hopefully, there is some group with whom he could become involved.

9.  Ask the counselor to seek out school and even community activities your great nephew can become involved in if he is not already.  His involvement with the counselor in a counseling relationship could also be helpful.

10.  An experienced therapist in the community also might be helpful for him; and maybe for all of you.

 I personally think you two need to be commended for taking him into your home.  This shows love, a strong sense of family, and a desire to place the needs of someone in need ahead of your own.  In this too often “me first” age, it is very refreshing.  I feel your great nephew will do just fine in your home.  He seems like a fine young man.

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It Isn’t Too Late To Be A Good Dad

 Question

Dr.Braccio:  I’ve not silifke eskort numaraları been a good father.  My seven and eight year old children care for me more than I deserve.  My parents and sister have taken up my parenting with my ex as I’ve been doing everything but looking after them.  My ex hates me but has wanted the children to think positively about me not for my sake but so they would not hate a parent.  Her respect for me is gone forever but I want to be what my children think I am but what I’m not.  My parents tell me to be a good parent and do my job.  What should I do?

Answer

You seem to want to be a good parent.  Follow your instincts and be one.  Their mother chose not to turn them against you.  You can be very grateful to her for this.  You also can be grateful your parents and sister took up your parenting job and chose not to turn them against you.    To be given a second is wonderful.

Too often, even when with great justification, an angered ex-spouse uses all of his or her energy to destroy the relationship of the children with the other parent.  Forget what you have not been and focus all your energies into being a good parent.  Take this second chance with the zeal of a first time proud papa.  Even if your ex really despises you, slowly you may be able to turn this around by being a good parent.  Then you two can better work together for the sake of the   children.  But regardless of that, for now do your parenting job.

The following are some key things to do:

 1.  Always show your children you love them by being there for them in an honest and loving manner.  2.  Go to their events and let them see the pride you have for them and their accomplishments.  3.  Be available to them when they desire or need you.  They need to know you will be there when they need you.  4.  Be available emotionally when they need a strong father to listen to them; and most importantly, give them good advice to help them in their lives.  Because you love your children, follow your heart when you give advice.  You will then be helpful to them and yourself in the role of a loving father.  5.  Show the ex and your family you have changed.  Let your parental actions over time do the talking for you.  6.  Make sure your ex and your family know how much you appreciate what they have done for the children and you will do your part.  7.  Make sure nothing or no one changes the direction of your goal to be a good parent.  You would not deserve a third chance if you fail again.  8.  Be excited about your future with your children.  Few things in life can match the joy of helping our children develop as loving and effective human beings.

Any questions or comments would be appreciated.

braccioj Blog

Loyalty As Part of Character Development

This topic was discussed by Dr. Braccio with Tony Conley on the Toney Conley Show on 7/7/12.  A sense of loyalty is something most of us hopefully gain in family interactions or early in life in important personal interactions.  Loyalty is a learned behavior that once developed allows one to develop positive relationships with family, friends, important persons in our lives and systems that require loyalty to succeed. President John Hannah turned down the Secretary of Defense when President Dwight Eisenhower offered it to him in 1957 because he had much to do at Michigan State University for all the current and future citizens he karatay kadın escort could help with his vision for a Land Grant University helping the world.  The famous story of the loyal dog who visited the grave of his master for fourteen years is a wonderful and powerful example of loyalty.  It is common sense if you are seen as loyal by family, friends, at work and in general interactions with others you will be respected and much happier than the person who lacks loyalty and is spurned/not trusted by others.

 

If you have questions or comments, please feel free to contact me directly.

braccioj Podcasts

Speaking Psychologically 7-10-12

Listen to Dr. Braccio discuss Worker Negativity in Difficult Times 

 

Dr.Braccio discusses worker negativity and what to do to change it on silifke eskort numaraları the Toney Conley Show.  Worker negativity is an unfortunate outcome in the workplace.  This is particularly true in this ongoing period of high unemployment, underemployment and job uncertainty.  Common examples of worker negativity are as follows:  1.  Too much work/workload  2.  Concerns on ability of management to effectively manage company/system.  3.  Anxiety and fear for current and future work security.  4.  Lack of recognition for hard work and effort.  5.  Little or no involvement in decisions about your job.  Common solutions by the employer are as follows.  1.  Seek employee input, listen and give honest feedback.  2.  Fairness.  3.  Model desired behaviors and attitudes.  4.  Build team morale.  5.  Develop a vision and inspire staff to buy into it and work hard to accomplish it.  6.  Honesty in all interactions.  7.  Ongoing feedback.

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Retirement Blog

The last Q/A newsletter we sent out related to a woman who wants to retire but her husband wants her to keep working until he can retire. As the baby boomers reach retirement age, questions about when mersineskort to retire are very common.  I deal with them regularly.  Typical questions are as follows: 1. Can I/we afford to retire now.  2. If not, when?  3.  Should I retire and get another job?  4.  Should I/we retire and move?  5.  Can we live the rest of our projected lives on what resources we have?  6.  What do you do when you want to retire and your house, which you planned to be part of your retirement financial resources, has lost a lot of equity that you may need?  7.  Will I have purpose in life? etc.

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Husband’s OK Isn’t Essential

Question

Dr.Braccio:  I’m actually both hurt and escort mersin angry with my husband.  I can retire in four months and want to.  I’m worn out physically and mentally.  He can’t retire for four years and wants me to continue working.  He says we can save more money and retire at the same time.  When I told him we have enough money and I’m worn out, he yelled, “I’m worn out too but have to work and so should you”.  I’ve backed off but want to retire.  Our daughter feels he’s silly and jealous because I can retire and he can’t.  Our pastor, who has a lot of influence over him, says to be patient and hopefully he’ll change his mind.  He said he’ll help out if his views don’t change.  What do you think?

 Answer

I agree you have the right to retire if you feel this is the time.  With that said, it would be helpful to the marriage if you two were in some type of agreement about your retirement.  However, under these circumstances, you need his understanding and not his permission.

The problem is how to resolve this matter.  Ideally, your husband will think about it and come to the reasonable conclusion retirement is a good choice for you.  To continue working if you do not have to when you are “worn out physically and mentally” defies common sense.  It also puts you at needless risk for various physical and emotional problems.  For him to desire this for you reflects a lack of love and sensitivity for your needs.  For you to go along with him and continue working would give you such great anger and needless frustration.

Without sounding harsh, there does appear to be an unfair quality to his desire that you continue working because he must.  That is like saying because you wear glasse, that he must wear them too.

Even though it will be a hard decision for you because of his outlook, to retire when you can seems like the right thing to do.  To risk your emotional and physical health when you do not have to is not reasonable.  Your husband needs to accept this.

If he will not change, you may find your pastor because of his influence, has the best opportunity to soften his heart.  Discussion and prayer can hopefully help solve the problem.

Hopefully your husband will see what he asks of you is unfair, unreasonable and even selfish on his part.  If he does not change his mind and the pastor cannot help, you will retire knowing you did what was necessary and he will be angry and upset.  If so, he will need to cope with it and eventually get over it.  This may be one of those times when agreement is not possible.

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Don’t Be Fenced In By Others’ Expectations

 Question

 Dr.Braccio:  I recently returned to the area after earning a graduate degree and getting a very bayan escort mersin good job.  My problem is an odd one.  I’ve found a women full of love and very loving whom I’ve been dating that I’ve fallen in love with.  The problem is my family and two best friends are advising me not to be with her.  She has two small children, is divorced and is just in her first year of college.  They say I could do much better and it’s silly to take on the burden of the two children.  The problem is I love the children and love her.  I also know they love and need me.  Together, we’re special.  They treat me wonderfully.  Even though I think it is difficult for the children, I feel it’s positive for me that the father has no involvement and doesn’t even live in Michigan while my family and friends feel this just puts more pressure on me.  I see it as a opportunity to help these wonderful children that the father has foolishly disowned.  What do you think?  Marriage may be in our future.  We’re talking about it.  I’m so confused.

 Answer

 The critics have some valid complaints for you to consider.  You have worked hard to get a graduate degree and get the good job you now have.  Ideally, it might be a good idea to find a woman in the same situation who is single with no children.

 The problem is that love is not always logical.  You also love her two children.  As you say, “together, we’re special”.  This is significant and important.  Not only are you meeting your own love and emotional needs, but you also are fulfilling the same needs in the mother and the children.  You will have an instant family with a lot of love.  Even if a lot of responsibility, that can be very wonderful and more than many ever have in life.

 I would encourage you to open your eyes wide and make sure you know the responsibilities you are taking on with not just the mother but the two children.  If after doing that you still want to be with them, then continue with enthusiasm.  Based upon what you are saying, you have done this and love her and the children.  Give credence to your feelings and do not deny them.

 If after soul searching you are still convinced you love her and the children and want to marry her and she agrees, then do it and be proud.  That you know you are loved and needed is wonderful.  Many persons never have those needs fulfilled because sadly they often do not act when the opportunity arrives.

 If you become convinced you are going to marry this person you love, you can just do it and that is that.  You also can meet with your family and friends and let them know how you feel and what you are going to do.  Even though you do not need to, you can explain how you feel and ask for their support.  Hopefully they will all support you out of respect for your feelings.  If they do not, be ready to do what you feel you must do and not worry about approval.

 If you follow your heart and your relationship ends in marriage, then your new primary priorities will be you, your future wife and the children.  It could be a great and rewarding life.

braccioj Blog

Negative TV Ads

 

 

 

 

 

Negative TV Ads

 

Dr. Braccio talks to Tony Conley about negative ads on the Tony Conley Show

 

 

During this growing height of political ads a question can be….Why do politicians use dirty ads?  The following are some points kocasinan escort ilanları for discussion:  1.  People seem to be far more interested in a kidnapping or plane crash than Mary got straight As and the Grand River uneventfully went through Lansing yesterday. I read 9.1% ads were negative in 2008 and 70% recently in this election cycle.  3.  Countless surrogates can attack while the candidate claims no involvement.  4.  Attack ads present the opponent as dangerous, dishonest, deceptive, a crony to certain power interests, shifty, inconsistent, an opportunist, etc.  5.  Negatively and unfairly compare the candidate with your positive and superior traits.  6.  Hope words from extremely negative ads when said over and over again become ingrained in the listener who initially may be turned off by the add.  7.  Focus on emotional issues loaded with fear to turn someone against the opponent.  8.  Raise questions and hopefully some digging by the listener will lead to a changed vote.  9.  Tell half-truths with negative motive and hope people do not look for the facts.  10.  Etc.

 

As a statement, in a 50/50 election every vote counts and dirty adds are and will be part of the political landscape.  They also can turn people off so there is a danger.  My point is to help people be more aware as opposed to knocking anyone or any party.  The biblical quote fits perfectly:  HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN LET HIM CAST THE FIRST STONE.

 

If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to contact me directly.

braccioj Blog

Unexpected Death of Loved One is Especially Hard

Unexpected Death of Loved One is Especially Hard

 

 

Dr.Braccio talked on the Tony Conley Radio Show about the grief, pain and guilt that can occur kocasinan bayan arkadaş when a loved one unexpectedly dies.

 

The following points are discussed:

 

1.  An exceptionally difficult time is made worse by lack of preparation.

2.  Closure may not occur.  We feel guilt because we did not say goodbye or “I love you” to the deceased

person.

3.  We must dig deeply in our psyche and recognize the wonderful times shared together.

4.  If one has a sense of spiritually, we accept this is the time God allocated for our loved one and we will

meet again in a place where pain and death do not exist.

5.  The person will live as long as we remember him or her.

6.  The process of grief includes disbelief, crying, soul searching and eventually acceptance.

lstart Blog

Signs of Spousal Betrayal

Hello Everyone!

I recently had a conversation with a person who told me how betrayed she felt when she realized her husband was having an affair. She asked I advise people of the typical silifke eskort ilanları signs that an affair is occurring.  She says she “foolishly” missed or tried to ignore them and wants to make sure others look for them to save themselves needless emotional agony.  Typical signs of an affair would be as follows:

1.  Better grooming/perfumes and colognes/unusual interest in appearance/improving body appearance/unusual emphasis on exercise.

2.    Unexplained time gaps.

3.    Less or more sex. 

4.    New sexual activities. 

5.    Deletion of phone and computer data. 

6.    Unexplained expenses including hotel bills and gifts you did not receive.

7.    Argue over anything and even use as an excuse to storm out of the house.

8.    Guilty looks and attitudes.

9.    Changes in outlook on life and problems with the marriage and their lives.

10.  Hang up calls and/or catching spouse having secret phone or computer conversations.

11.  Unwillingness to talk or resolve concerns in an open manner

A caution is to not jump to conclusions about a possible affair. Gently begin to raise concerns and seek discussion.

 

braccioj Blog

Signs of Spousal Betrayal

Signs of Spousal Betrayal

Posted on: 05/23/2012 4:49pm
Hello Everyone! I recently had a conversation with a person who told me how betrayed she felt when she realized her husband was having an affair. She asked I advise people of the typical signs that an affair escort mersin is occurring.  She says she “foolishly” missed or tried to ignore them and wants to make sure others look for them to save themselves needless emotional agony.  Typical signs of an affair would be as follows: 1.  Better grooming/perfumes and colognes/unusual interest in appearance/improving body appearance/unusual emphasis on exercise. 2.    Unexplained time gaps. 3.    Less or more sex.  4.    New sexual activities.  5.    Deletion of phone and computer data.  6.    Unexplained expenses including hotel bills and gifts you did not receive. 7.    Argue over anything and even use as an excuse to storm out of the house. 8.    Guilty looks and attitudes. 9.    Changes in outlook on life and problems with the marriage and their lives. 10.  Hang up calls and/or catching spouse having secret phone or computer conversations. 11.  Unwillingness to talk or resolve concerns in an open manner A caution is to not jump to conclusions about a possible affair. Gently begin to raise concerns and seek discussion.

braccioj Blog

Depression, Chronic Pain, and Headaches

Depression, Chronic Pain and Headaches

 

Depression is a condition where the person is sad and experiences little or no joy in life.  The person needs a balance mersin anamur eskort bayanları in life and positive outlook.  Depression and chronic pain with headaches are difficult to copy with and often run together.  The effects can be so devastating to all aspects of a person’s life beyond what the average person would believe possible.  I have worked with many persons or that see their lives revolve around their headaches.  The Depression diagnosis is often missed or minimized because the headaches and chronic pain take all the attention.  The following strategies can help: Relaxation techniques, balance in life, positive outlook, deep breathing, spirituality, hypnosis, medication, counseling, yoga, visual imagery, distraction and dissociation.

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Commitment Fear Tarnishes Proposal

Question:

Dr.Braccio:  I’m struggling and nervous about something mersin anamur eskort bayanları everyone thinks should make me happy.  I’m fifty years old and have been dating a wonderful widower.  He has asked me to marry him.  My kids, friends, family and his family are happy for me.  We met at church and even the pastor is happy.  The problem is I’ve been alone without a man since my husband left the state over twenty-five years ago after we divorced and we’ve never heard from him again.  Because of that horrible experience and my being so busy over the years raising my children and working outside of the home, I turned my feelings off and have been relatively happy alone.  Now I have the chance to marry a wonderful man.  His family loves me and mine him.  Why can’t I accept this?  I believe I want it but am afraid.  He tells me to take my time and he will be patient.  My kids tell me to marry him and my pastor thinks he is the right man for me but says to pray on it.  I’m worn out.  What’s wrong with me.  What can I do?

Answer:

There is nothing wrong with you.  You have concerns.  Based on what happened to you in the past , they are reasonable.

It also is true you have cared for yourself and previously your children on your own for many years.  Applaud yourself for this great sacrifice and love you have shown for the children and your overall human success story.  You are a model for many single parents.

What you must do now is decide how you want to spend the rest of your life.  You appear to have the choice of staying single or marrying this “wonderful widower”.  Only you can decide what to do.  Others can advise you and support you, but the ultimate decision is yours.

I believe for one who wants to be married, that a good marriage is the greatest gift a human being can have.  The love a loving couple shares can diminish the biggest of disappointments and increase the satisfaction of happy times.  It is having someone there to share all the moments of your lives.  This includes laughing together over the happy times as well as crying and supporting each other during the sad times.

If your life is full and you do not want to open yourself up and risk yourself and feelings in a marital relationship, then do not do it now.  Your friend tells you to take your time.  Follow his advice.

Do not let the bad experiences with your ex-husband cause so much fear in you that you are afraid to commit to a relationship.  That would give victory over you to a man who betrayed his responsibilities to his children and left you to take care of them.

This man does not at all appear to be anything like your ex-husband.  The only thing they seem to have in common is that they are men.

If you do consider marrying this man, it is always a good practice to see what the person’s family as well as your family and significant others think of him.  He obviously passes this test with As.  His family, your family, your friends and your pastor all feel he is a good man and would be a good husband.

It does appear you want to marry him.  You say “I believe I want it, but am afraid”.  Do not let fear motivate you.  This appears to be a second chance for a good marriage; however, you are the one who must ultimately make this decision.