Question
Dr.Braccio: My sister silifke eskort numaraları is devastated. Her daughter has left her husband at least temporarily with her two children to live with her because her husband has a gambling addiction and has thrown their money to the wind. She found out his gambling was far worse than she ever imagined. Video poker is what controls him and he won’t stop. I even loaned him some money to be helpful for a project he said he was working on. I now find out he lied to me and has borrowed from everyone and is broke. He also is on the way to losing his job. He sometimes misses work by spending hours in front of the computer. This seems so stupid. I have a mind to meet with him and try to talk some sense into him. My niece has about given up with all his promises and lies to stop. My sister says he has tried to stop but amazingly still thinks he can beat the system and win big. What do you think? What can I do?
Answer
I think your nephew is a pathological gambler in denial. Gambling is seen as addictive as cocaine with similar consequences. It is less understood and more hidden because there is no known substance like alcohol or other drugs. The person is not using a needle or slurring his or her words. But the devastation is as great as well as having a higher suicide rate. It is an illness that one must do all that he or she can to overcome it.
The biggest problem at present is his unwillingness to accept he has a gambling addiction and that he, like the alcoholic with drinking, must never gamble again. Like all addictions, he chooses the euphoric highs that come periodically when he wins and wants them to return. The dream of then returning is a poor compensation for the horrible lows when he is losing. In the process his self-esteem is shattered by his lying and ever mounting losses. In this horrible world, he continues to gamble with the dream of making it all back and winning bigger than ever.
Even if he hits the “home run”, he would want more because of the highs and his desire for never ending highs. Unless you experience it or have observed it, it is almost impossible to understand. It is a horrible mental health illness and not just a lack of willpower.
You can imagine the suffering the wife and children are feeling. The sense of loss and abandonment. You and your sister are also having horrible feelings as I am sure are other family members.
At this point, there is little you or anyone else can do for him until he decides he has an addiction and he needs help to overcome it. Progress can then occur.
Above all, do not give him money. That would go right back into gambling and feed his addiction. If he calls, talk to him respectfully and be honest with him about how you feel, but do not accept statements at face value if he says he is done gambling.
Based on his needs, when he accepts his addiction, he will need treatment by a trained therapist, group therapy, residential placement, involvement with a group such as Gamblers Anonymous or some combination. Medication could help with a diagnosis of Depression, Anxiety, etc.
You can try to become as knowledgeable as possible on the gambling addiction to help you understand what is happening with him and what a family can do when everyone tries to be a support. The internet has a lot of information under compulsive gambling or any bookstore would have or could order you a book on the topic.
The Michigan Department of Community Health has a 24 hour hotline (800) 270-7117 for people who have a gambling addition or those who know someone who does. You can go to the Gamblers Anonymous website at www.gamblersanonymous.org to gain some very helpful information. A related support group for you and the family would be Gam-Anon and their website is www.gam.anon.org. TheMichigan Hotline. (313) 792-2877, to find out where meetings are is the same for both places.
There is a twenty-question page on the Gambler Anonymous website that is very instructive to the addicted gambler or someone like you trying to gain information. The website says most compulsive gamblers will answer YES to at least seven of these questions. You can see just on what you know now he would logically need to say yes to at least seven of them. That he would not or would deny the significance shows the level of his addiction. Until he can do that, there is not much you or anyone else can do for him. That is the sad truth.
The questions are as follows:
1. Did you ever lose time from work or school due to gambling?
2. Has gambling ever made your home life unhappy?
3. Did gambling affect your reputation?
4. Have you ever felt remorse after gambling?
5. Did you ever gamble to get money with which to pay debts or otherwise solve financial difficulties?
6. Did gambling cause a decrease in your ambition or efficiency?
7. After losing, did you feel you must return as soon as possible and win back your losses?
8. After a win, did you have strong urge to return and win more?
9. Did you often gamble until your last dollar was gone?
10. Did you ever borrow to finance your gambling?
11. Have you ever sold anything to finance gambling?
12. Were you reluctant to use “gambling money” for normal expenditures?
13. Did gambling make you careless of the welfare of yourself or your family?
14. Did you ever gamble longer than you had planned?
15. Have you ever gambled to escape worry or trouble?
16. Have you ever committed or considered committing, an illegal act to finance gambling?
17. Did gambling cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?
18. Do arguments, disappointments or frustration create within you an urge to gamble?
19. Did you ever have an urge to celebrate any good fortune by a few hours of gambling?
20. Have you ever considered self-destruction or suicide as a result of your gambling?
Any questions or comment would be appreciated.