Tag: couples counseling

    WHY SPOUSES STAY IN UNSATISFYING AND UNHAPPY MARRIAGES

    Among the happiest of days for most persons is when they get married. Unfortunately,a number of marriages/relationships that were once filled with deep love and caring turn into extreme bitterness or unhappiness. Many of these failing marriages are not the result of an extramarital affair,physical abuse or child abuse. No,they are the result of long term ongoing problems. While they can vary from marriage to marriage,at least some of the following have a dominant force in the failing marriage: 1.LACK OF RESPECT. 2.LACK OF APPRECIATION. 3.NO SEXUALITY AND PHYSICAL INTIMACY. 4.ALWAYS ANNOYED AT THE SPOUSE/PARTNER. 5.CONSTANT ARGUING,BICKERING AND FAULTFINDING. 6.RELATIONSHIP IS TOXIC TO THE EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING. 7.INTIMIDATION AND FEAR. 8.RELIGIOUS BELIEFS OPPOSED TO DIVORCE. MARRIAGE IS SEEN AS A SACRED BOND/VOW BEFORE GOD. 9.DIFFERING RELIGIOUS VIEWS. 10.FUTURE GOALS HAVE CHANGED AND ARE NOT COMPATIBLE FOR THE FUTURE OF THE MARRIAGE. 11.FEAR OF WHAT COULD HAPPEN AFTER A DIVORCE. 12.FINANCIAL CONCERNS. 13.IMPACT ON CHILDREN,CHILDREN CUSTODY CONCERNS AND OVERALL FAMILY RELATIONS. 14.CONTEMPT AND HATRED FOR THE PERSON. 15.DOES NOT FEEL CONNECTED TO THE PERSON. 16.TOGETHER BECAUSE OF HABIT WITHOUT LOVE OTHER THAN CARING FOR THE PERSON. 17.SUBSTANCE ABUSE. 18.HOW TO MANAGE MONEY RANGING FROM WHAT TO SPEND IT ON TO FIGHTING OVER WHAT MONEY BELONGS TO EACH. 19.CHILD REARING PRACTICES. 20.FATIGUE/BOREDOM/HABIT/ROUTINE/NEGLECT. 21.FEELINGS OF GUILT AND SHAME IF THE MARRIAGE FAILS. I have found it amazing over the decades in my work how many unhappy spouses in marriages/relationships have trouble determining what the problems are and how to solve them. They just live in the marriages/relationships and do not determine if/how they can be saved or how to end them. Of course,I always hope marriages can be saved with respectful love reunited in both persons. This can only occur when both persons work very hard to go back to why they fell in love and want to bring it back. Sadly,this is too often not possible. The feelings are too deep.