Question
Dr.Braccio: With support from my husband, sister and God, the doctors tell me they believe I have karatay escort beaten colon cancer. My concern is that my mother and one sister seemed so distant with me during the past year. This also happened with a few friends. The hurt came because I have always been there for all of them whenever there was a problem or a concern. Even though my mother and sister are both immature selfish and I feel like the parent, I expected more from them. But when I was in crisis, they were not only not there, but seemed to resent me for my severe health problem and my inability to console them on their issues. Only one friend was honest enough to say she was used to me being a support to her and she had no emotional energy for me. A few unexpected persons out of the blue stepped up and helped me emotionally. What’s wrong here and should I be upset?
Answer
The problem is that you gave too much emotionally to those who will not now reciprocate because they cannot or have no desire to do so. You have every right to be upset. When one gives so much as you have emotionally, it is only reasonable to assume others will give back when you are in need. This would particularly be true with your mother and sister. Apparently, their immaturity and selfishness are such that they chose to not be supportive to you during your crisis. Some of your friends fit into this same category.
As painful and hurtful as this is to you emotionally, it is not that uncommon. Too often, the world is divided into ”givers” and takers”. You are a giver who has been surrounded by too many takers. That this includes your own mother and sister must be particularly painful. It also is true that a friendship is a like a wonderful and nourishing mirror where each person reflects understanding to the other. Some of your relationships have not been true friendships.
It is fortunate you have spiritual beliefs. They are so reinforcing and splendid in times of crisis.
A key concept for you in relationships is that you need to remember the wise statement that says you need to “love yourself” as well as “your neighbor”. You have too often left “yourself” out of your relationships. This is particularly true with people who will only take support but not give it back.
In the future, you need to determine who you want to be around. A key standard would be to seek out persons with your capacity to reach out and help others. Then when you give, you know you are appreciated and the person will be there for you when needed. You can begin this with the friends and family who stood by you during your ordeal as well as the persons who “stepped up and helped”. They are like you and deserve your friendship. Your husband and sister are good persons like you.
Any questions or comments would be appreciated.