Question
Dr.Braccio: Even for me, I’m a difficult person to karatay genç kızlar be with. I always have been. This is particularly true when doing some drinking. Even with this, I always find a man who puts up with me but eventually tires of my controlling and often sarcastic personality. I also am very aggressive verbally. My problem is that with four and five year old sons that I dearly love. I need to be less critical of me and the men I date so I can find a good partner to share our lives. I’ve run off some good ones. What do you think?
Answer
You need to develop a more tolerant and positive outlook on people and life. Regardless of whatever charm and positive traits you may have, no one can put up with a “controlling and often sarcastic personality” who is “very aggressive verbally”. Any one of those traits would run good people away from you. You also need to like yourself more and judge others and yourself less harshly.
Learn to relax and be more accepting, insightful, sensitive and tuned into people by not interpreting things negatively. This will allow you to better understand their feelings and treat them well. In the process, you will also be treating yourself very well.
Because you have various areas to change, the following are some suggestions to help you:
1. Accept honest differences as legitimate and even positive.
2. Do not look for flaws in others and be sarcastic and demean them.
3. Do not hold grudges after you solve or try to solve a problem.
4. Accept some disagreements do not have a solution. Examples could be religion, politics, school prayer, parenting methods or favorite foods.
5. Seek out counseling from a therapist who can address anger management and the development of tolerance and empathy through personality change. You also need to develop better self-esteem. That appears to be the major cause of the grief you cause for yourself and others.
6. As appropriate, seek out spiritual guidance that grants you peace and tames your negative feelings and hard heart.
7. Learn to love yourself more. You will then find far more understanding and love for others.
8. Focus on active listening. This means you listen to what someone says, ask questions to resolve what you do not understand and with that information, respond in a civilized and problem solving mode.
9. Admit when you are wrong. Honest contrition has mellowed countless angry hearts.
10. Find at least one good thing to say about people you see every day.
11. Spend time every day being grateful for what you have in life.
12. Cut out sarcastic comments completely. They are hurtful and a form of bomb throwing that will never be helpful to anyone.
13. Before you make a statement, ask yourself if it will gain you what you desire. An example would be if you wanted a friend to help you, you would not yell at them and demand they help you.
14. Stop drinking alcohol. That things are worse when “doing some drinking” is a clear sign that alcohol is bad for you and to stop drinking would be a positive thing.
It will be hard for you to change after being this way for your whole life. The positive thing in your favor is you desire to change and are aware of the problem. That you love your children shows you have the capacity to effectively love yourself and others.