JHB
Question
Dr.Braccio: I’m feeling very badly about how my husband and I have anamur bayan escort treated our son over the years. Even though often frustrating, he’s well liked and a good hearted boy. He’s 15 and has just recently been diagnosed with AD/HD. We’ve always been so critical of him. We always thought his being hyper and inattentive were the result of bad choices and a lack of self-control. We now know we were unfair. Our relationship with him has not been good and we feel bad about that. We see how much better he’s doing with medication and trying new strategies to compensate for his AD/HD through awareness of his problem. He’s reacting to us positively and seems happy with our contrite and more understanding attitude. What do you think about this and what should we do?
Answer
Even though late, it is fortunate you have found out about his AD/HD. You now can begin to have a far better relationship armed with knowledge of his disorder.
It is never too late to discuss this issue honestly and sincerely with your son. As parents, you obviously operated with the best information you had at the time. It was inadequate, but now you have appropriate information and can make new choices on how you relate to one another.
It would be very healing for you and him to admit your responsibility for your parenting choices and how they became hurtful to him. Even if your knowledge was faulty and you meant the best for him, it would be a significant gesture to apologize for your own inadvertent inattention to his needs.
That he is “reacting to you positively” shows the parental child relationship is still positive among the three of you. In that he is a “good hearted boy” and has not developed acting out or socially inappropriate behaviors is a tribute to your parenting and him as a person.
Reaffirm to him that you are doing your best to change your perceptions, attitudes, and behaviors. Ask him to offer you that same courtesy. This is a terrific opportunity for healing and positive transformation of your relationship.
The new relationships based on the new awareness and changes in him brought about by the medication, trying new compensation strategies for his AD/HD, his new outlook, and your new outlook may be difficult for all of you to assimilate for a while. Do not be afraid. Try to cement a new relationship and see it as a wondrous new opportunity for all of you. The old relationship was based on faulty assumptions that led to misunderstandings and resulting poor relationships.
Build on the present. You have chance for a new beginning among all of you. Let it be filled with love and understanding.
You can prove Yogi Berra was correct when he said, “It ain’t over ‘til it’s over”.
Any questions or comments would be appreciated.