Tag: Anxiety

December 23, 2025- I always enjoy doing our annual segment on Christmas. Christmas is a special time for me as a Christian along with 2 billion other persons. It is a time for humility as one realizes how much better they could be by trying to improve themselves not out of guilt but out of desire to be more like the Prince of Peace,Jesus Christ,and focusing on treating others as you would have them treat you and try to enhance themselves to be better persons. We all fail at times. Let Christmas be a time to work at being the best we can be and eliminate behaviors that are inconsistent with being a Christian. I also believe one does not need to be a Christian to enjoy Christmas. I can certainly appreciate and respect Hanukkah,Ramadan and other religious holidays that are not Christian. To me, the ongoing Christmas spirit for everyone is best summed up by the biblical golden rule: “Do unto others what you would have them do unto you.” My point here is that Christ really was the Prince of Peace. He came not to kill and destroy, but rather to offer a road to eternity for those who accepted him as their savior and were willing to live a life dedicated to him. To me, the Christmas spirit is a time that we do act out of love, caring and a commitment to human beings and try to do whatever we can to advance them. It also is true a person can be a Hindi, Jew, Muslim, secular humanist or whatever one might want to be and still accept Christ as the Prince of Peace and somebody who came to the world to offer humankind a strong moral way to live and help others. This is unfortunately often lost at a time when people get overwhelmed with buying and giving gifts, meeting with family members they really do not want to meet with and being forced into social settings again with persons they do not care for and would not be with, but need to due to family or work expectations. If in one of those situations, my advice is to be pleasant and do what one has to do as often happens during Christmas and the holidays. Try to always remember what the purpose of Christmas is as we celebrate either the Lord and Savior for Christians or a good human being offering all of us a roadmap to being a better human being on earth. It also is a time as we have discussed before where the Hallmark Movies can bring some tears to the eyes as they show how love can be kind during the Christmas time. I particularly like the Hallmark Movie, “Finding Christmas Father”. It also is a time to think of the always popular “Christmas Carol” written in 1843 by Charles Dickens, where Ebeneezer Scrooge ends up being a good person and looks after Tiny Tim and his family during and after Christmas. My final comments are that you enjoy the spirit of Christmas and think of Christ as either your Savior or a wonderful human being who came forward to offer peace and tranquility to persons who are willing to focus on helping others and being the best they can be as human beings. Also,do not allow yourself to be overwhelmed by persons who claim to be Christians but do not behave as Christians should or the negative appropriation that comes from the commercialization of Christmas.

Christmas 2025-A person’s self- worth is critical to their happiness in life. It has amazed me over the years when doing intakes with clients how many of them have feelings of worthlessness. This is very sad
when one realizes how critical it is for persons to believe in their ability to achieve in life and
have positive relationships with people. If someone has feelings of worthlessness about
themselves,they do not see themselves as worthy to be with persons of character and strong
self-worth. Instead, they often live on the edges of life and wait for psychological and even
physical abuse because of their belief they have no worth to themselves or anyone else.
Persons like this can have some successful relationships and also obtain employment. The
problem is in most relationships they tend to be with persons who direct them, bully them or
generally control the course for whatever they do with them. This happens in abusive
relationships where we see people beaten into the ground emotionally and sometimes
physically over and over again because they believe they are worthless and deserve such
treatment. Persons who see themselves as worthless do not have psychologically healthy
relationships because they do not see themselves as worthy of having them.
The sad thing is that many persons feel worthless because this belief is entrenched as part of
their personality. When someone is like this, they have little hope for happiness in life and the
only glimmer of happiness they get is from someone who may be taking advantage of them,
gives them a smile or tells them in spite of their worthlessness, they can get a few things done
right with appropriate direction. The question then becomes, what does one do when they have
genuine feelings of worthlessness and cannot muster the energy, desire, and will to be
successful because they believe they are worthless and it is not possible? To begin you need to
take a time out and come to the conclusion you are worthwhile, can advance in life, can be
loved and be happy. You must accept the fact you are not worthless and whatever flaws or
deficiencies you have, you have the ability to work on them and develop them as well as
acknowledging the strengths you have and develop them. You immediately need to be around
good people who are willing to be supportive to you, not take advantage of you and just accept
that you are a worthwhile person. This is much harder to do than one might think. When one
has ingrained views of themselves as worthless and have lived lives where they have lived up to
that low expectation, it is hard, even if you finally come to the conclusion you are not worthless,
to go forward and make the decisions that will make you feel like a worthwhile person who
deserves a positive life with friends and job opportunities consistent with your abilities.
Something called cognitive restructuring is also critical. This is when a person starts kicking out
negative thoughts and replacing them with positive thoughts. A basic one is if you keep telling
yourself you are worthless and do not deserve anything good in life, you have to come back and
say you are a worthwhile human being and you do deserve good things in life. You also need to
take an honest inventory of your skill sets and determine which ones can be developed now to
best advantage you in life. Make today the last day you will see yourself as worthless and the
beginning of a time you will see yourself as worthwhile and have a happy life where you will not
be taken advantage of by those who accepted your views of yourself as a worthless person. If it
is late at night that you hear or read this, take the night off and begin tomorrow morning on your
happy voyage in life as a worthwhile person! If you find you are not able to make this transition
from feeling worthless to worthwhile, you may find an experienced therapist working with such
situations can best help you on your voyage to being the worthwhile and happy person you
know you can become.

October 28, 2025-

We daily continue to see the negative outcomes of Covid because many persons lost contact for so long with human in-person interactions that they are even now only comfortable with digital interactions. There also are many persons who are not comfortable in human interactions in person and prefer friendships and relationships digitally. My point is not to argue that persons cannot have friendships digitally or that they should not have them. No, that is not my point. My point is to argue that human physical interaction relationships in most cases are going to be superior. Friendships require mutual respect, mutual caring, sharing ongoing living experiences together, availability during difficult times and a willingness to take the role similar to a good loving family relationship that sadly many persons do not have. Cicero called a true friend another you. The advantages of physical interaction include the often essential element of physical contact, the requirement of being there in person together ,the inability to just turn the person off anytime and just leave as one can do on the Internet, the opportunity to be able to read the person by eye contact, body language and the opportunity to size up the the person’s sincerity in-person with what I will call the “sixth sense”. It allows them to read a person they are with as to their sincerity, willingness and desire to be a good friend. One can read the tone of the voice, subtle facial expressions and full body language in space that gives the person a far more complete understanding of a person as opposed to digital communication where this is not possible. There is too much missing in digital interaction as there is only that one screen where the interactions take place. There also can be no substitute for the interactions that take place as two people share experiences together in different environments such as physical intimacy, traveling together, spending hours and days together just interacting individually and in group settings. These shared experiences create a unique history together that cannot occur with digital relationships. As a final thought, while I believe in-person relationships are superior to digital relationships,I by no means minimize the importance of digital relationships for many persons.

10-14-2025- From East Lansing’s Regional Psychological Services Dr. Braccio discusses loyalty and it’s importance in relationships and life in general– it’s harder to maintain in difficult times and you have to build trust– true loyalty is very rare, actually. How do you rebuild trust if you break it?

10-07-2025- Many of us who grew up in the 40s and 50s as young Roman Catholics often discussed how evil was the absence of good and to be aware of the dangers of succumbing to evil in our
thoughts and actions. While most persons now use words like bad and inappropriate thoughts
and behaviors rather than the word evil,the condition is the same regardless of what word we
use for it or whether we give it a spiritual or secular cause. I like the word evil because it clearly
and appropriately conjures in the mind a very dangerous individual. Even though none of us are
perfect and do things we wish we had not done and try not to do them again, persons who are
evil feel no guilt or wrong for what they have done and would fit into the category of what mental
health professionals would now call a sociopath/Antisocial Personality Disorder(ASPD) or a
person who has no sense of right or wrong, no conscience and only does things to advance
themselves regardless of the havoc or hurt they cause others. The fact they are often charming
and convincing in deceitful actions allows them to deceive a trusting and good person who
believes they have good intentions as they are taking advantage of them emotionally, financially
and any other way they can. They also think nothing of lying to employees or partners as they
claim to be working with and for them while they actually are taking advantage of them and will
think nothing of firing them or taking whatever they can from them just because they desire to
and can. This is all done under the guise they are doing the best they can do for you and are
trying to be helpful when in fact none of this is true at all. They are using their charm or raw
power to deceive and do evil to others who put their trust in them. If married to an evil person or
related to them or having to interact with them, it can be very difficult if you are a trusting and
caring person who tries to trust people in your interactions with them. To protect yourself,you
first need to know the characteristics of an evil sociopath. Then you need to separate from them
as much as you can as they are toxic to you personally and will cause you great harm
emotionally, financially or in any way they can. The difficult thing for a good person to
understand is that there are evil persons and they will be destructive to you if you do not
prepare and defend yourself.

09-30-2025- Persons who hate have made the choice to self-destruct themselves psychologically, physically, and spiritually. Hatred is like an acid that slowly destroys the person’s outlook and ability to
function effectively in life. The true tragedy of hatred is that it clearly destroys the hater far more
than the person who is hated. The person who is hated goes on living their life and often could
care less they are hated by someone. The hatred can be so deep that the person will not give it
up and is willing amazingly to experience all the negativity that comes through being hateful. I
think it is safe to say that most persons do not like being around persons who are haters. It is
even biblical that an angry person does foolish things. Typical bad outcomes for a person who
hates is that they are actually allowing another person to live inside them and take destructive
control over them. The idea that someone would actually allow someone to control their
emotions is hard to believe but haters allow this every day. Other destructive parts of being a
hater would include a type of psychological poisoning where a person allows themselves to
have the good parts of them poisoned and pushed out through this destructive hate. Another
casualty to hatred is a person not having compassion for persons because their hatred does not
allow them to see the good in people and only allows them to see negativity. It also is true that
haters ultimately cannot love themselves because their external hatred is such that it consumes
them psychologically and does not allow them to enjoy life or love anybody or anything. For
clarification, I am not talking about the person who just has some anger, and it comes and goes
based on how they are treated in interactions with persons. No, I am talking about the
destructive hatred that destroys the person‘s psyche and often ruins their relationships with
those they would reasonably want to have good ones. The solution for hating is to recognize it is
far more destructive to the hater than it is to the person being hated. Persons need to love
themselves and others and to find the good in life to lead happy lives and extinguish the hatred
that is so destructive to themselves and those they encounter. This is not an easy thing to do if
someone has been a hater for long periods of time. However, it is something we must do so we
can have a strong physical, emotional, and spiritual self. There is no other reasonable choice if
one looks at the choice of negativity by being a hater versus being a person who seeks love and
forgiveness in self and others. Even if forgiving is the goal of a person for their best mental
health, the minimum is to let real or perceived wrong done to you go and recognize allowing
your hatred of others to live within you is unacceptable and only causes you great
psychological,physical and spiritual havoc.

https://youtu.be/NzgSf4DQMDA

September 23, 2025- We live in an age where many persons argue marriage is outdated and that persons have little need to make such a long time commitment. I am of the opinion this is generally not true and that for most people marriage is something they should consider and hopefully enter into. To be
fair, I must be honest and indicate I have been married for 50 years and greatly love the person
I married. We also have two wonderful children and five wonderful grandchildren that result from
our making the choice to get married. With that said, I believe marriage offers so much to a
person that can enhance their lives that they would not have if they did not make the commitment. I am not saying there will not be struggles and disagreements that will always occur when two persons live together and share a life over hopefully a lifetime. No,I would argue they can most often be worked out when two people have sufficient love and each is willing to compromise for the sake of the other and their long-term commitment. I will simply mention the potential benefits that come from a good marriage: 1. Reciprocal physical, emotional, and even spiritual love. 2. Commitment to another person to live with them for a lifetime. 3. Companionship and not suffering the loneliness that so many persons experience at least sometimes in their lives. 4. A solid family environment to have and raise children. 5. Financial
security that occurs when a couple lives together and they combine their resources and efforts.

Emotional security from knowing there is somebody who will always be with them in good
times and bad times. 7. Often live a longer life when two persons are looking after the health of
the other and caring for them when there is a need. 8. Religious, family or cultural expectations
to be married. 9. A sense of identity and belonging in a relationship where there are
opportunities for both persons to grow together as a team and if desired to also have children
and grandchildren they share in a hopefully happy lifetime together… My point here is not to
glamorize marriage or to attack those who choose not to marry, but to simply indicate there are
many advantages to being married if a person is capable and desirous of loving a person and
being committed to them for a lifetime.

Ageism which results from prejudice and discrimination is sometimes called a form of
discrimination that is not noticed or not believed to be a major problem. Simply defined,it is
discriminating against a person due to their age. While ageism discrimination can relate to
young and old persons alike,for our purposes today, we will discuss ageism as it relates to
persons from say 50 to the end of their lives. It is maybe not surprising that a study found large percentages of persons believe they have experienced some form of ageism. It can be as obvious as bluntly telling a fully competent person they are too old to do a job or children
assuming their parents are incapable of making good decisions due to their age or talking to
them like they are children. Ageism can be broken into the following three broad categories:
1.Institutional Ageism 2.Interpersonal Ageism and 3.Internalized Ageism. Institutional Ageism
would include when persons are forced to retire by mandatory retirement rules or not given
promotions or educational opportunities due to their age. There also are complaints by patients that their well meaning doctors make medical decisions based on their age and not on their particular needs at this time. Interpersonal Ageism is when there are limiting assumptions that if
persons are a certain age they are losing their abilities to think and require support and help
even if they do not need it. The person may find it annoying and even demeaning but is forced
into accepting it. This often occurs when children feel the need to take over financial resources and responsibilities for their parents when they are not needed. This can lead to persons feeling shamed and powerless. Internalized Ageism is when persons themselves begin to believe they
are incompetent or incapable of doing things because of their age. They focus on what society
says they can and cannot do and internalize this. The sad thing is that research shows when
persons have these beliefs, they allow themselves to age more quickly, and do not have the
health and longevity of persons who do not look at the clock or a calendar and do what they feel
they are able to do as long as possible. A study in Germany found in a 15 year study that
persons who at 55 believed they were going to have problems as they aged, did in fact have far
more problems physically and emotionally than those who did not believe this when they all
turned 70. Their mortality rate was also higher…My advice is not to look at the calendar and do
whatever you feel you can do consistent with your capabilities. Do not let others tell you what
you can or cannot do. Live whatever time you have left on earth with gusto!

September 9, 2025- Last week we discussed when ADHD and anxiety coexist together. Today, we discuss when ADHD and depression coexist together. ADHD and depression are two separate conditions that often overlap and coexist together. Persons with ADHD can have the comorbid condition of depression up to 30 or more percent of the time. It is sometimes hard to delineate which is the condition because the characteristics of lack of focus, procrastination and inability to complete activities are common with both conditions. The ADHD characteristics can lead to low self-esteem, problems at work,problems in school and difficulties in relationships that can lead to depression. Differences of depression from ADHD would include sadness, very poor self-esteem, sluggishness, hopelessness, worthlessness, and suicide ideation. It is important to determine if both conditions do exist. In a comprehensive psychological evaluation, it will be determined by an expert if a person has ADHD, depression or some combination of the two. It is important to have appropriate diagnosis because the medications and treatment for both can be quite different. ADHD over an extended period of time can lead to depression because of the constant turmoil in the person’s mind and some combination of the symptoms of lack of focus, inattention, hyperactivity, impulsivity, and procrastination. They can wear a person down emotionally and have them develop depression symptoms of poor self-esteem, sadness, and a feeling that life is a burden and difficult for them to go on. An additional problem that can occur is that the stimulant medications that are often prescribed for ADHD sometimes can cause a person to have difficulties getting enough sleep and this can lead to not just irritability but feelings of hopelessness because of the the inability to feel rested and do what they feel they need to do in their lives because of this. If this occurs, it is critical that appropriate medication be in place. The combination of medication and cognitive behavioral therapy have been found to be the most helpful to treat persons who have both ADHD and depression.

08-26-2025- It always amazes me how some of the most wonderful and even successful people are
constantly being overwhelmed by the inner critic that constantly tells them they are not good
enough and that they should quit trying to do things so they can simply exist in a world that does
not allow them to do all the things they desire and are capable of doing. At a common sense
level, it makes no sense that a person would be hindered in life by a seemingly part of them, this
inner critic, that is constantly stopping them from achieving and doing their best. With that said,
countless people are held back in life by an emotionally destructive inner critic that is always
trying to stop them from being able to fulfill their dreams in a devastating manner. It is not
always easy to identify how this inner critic came about and can have such power over a
person. It is safe to say that many persons with this inner critic grew up in homes where they
were shamed, told they were too big for their britches, told they would never amount to
anything, were constantly told they were not good enough, were an embarrassment and told to
quit trying. They generally grew up believing they should not try too hard because failure would
be the result and that would be more shameful than not doing things and failing as predicted.
There also are persons whose inner critic simply questions whatever they are doing and the
result is they do not try to do anything and they are constantly being held back from achieving
what they desire by this internal critic who in fact controls them. Even when the person becomes
aware how destructive this inner critic is to them, and they may even have always been aware
of it, it is very hard to overcome it. It is often ingrained into the personality of the person and it
becomes the default position whenever they are trying to do things. The statements that come
from the inner critic would include you are not good enough, quit trying to do this, it is best you
not do this because you will fail, you are not good at anything, there is no point in trying to do
something, etc., in a never-ending pattern of inner critic negative thoughts. I believe it is fair to
say that most of us have had times where the inner critic stops us from achieving to our
potential, and we must accept that some of our dreams have not been completed not because
we did not have the ability, but because the inner critic convinced us not to try. Ways to
overcome the inner critic would include questioning the inner critic about the validity of the
statements that are coming forward, not allowing the inner clinic to take control of their dreams,
talking to other persons about how they perceive you and ask them about things that you desire
to attempt to do and get their honest input, become compassionate with self, love yourself, and
recognize in spite of your flaws you are a very good person who desires to be more successful
in life and crush your inner critic. If in fact you do have some problems with your inner critic that
you would like to overcome, then determine to lead a life where you are going to make
decisions based on the best information available and not some inner critic who is trying to take
control of you,and in effect does control you from leading what could be clearly be a more happy
life. I often talk about the importance of recognizing that we have a one time shot on earth.
Every minute we waste allowing the inner critic to control our thinking is wasting time that we
can never get back. It is time we crush the destructive inner critic and move forward and make
better decisions that can make us much happier. If we find we cannot do this on our own
because our inner critic is too overpowering, then we can meet with friends and family we trust
to try to help us overcome it. We also can consider a therapist experienced in such matters to
help us overcome and crush the destructive inner critic.

August 19, 2025- I am sure there will be those who hear the topic of “choose to love life” and will be saying,”I don’t have much to love in my life, so there is very little to choose.” I will respect your view but say you have to take another look at your life if you want to be happy. I strongly say if you choose to love life that you can be much happier and look forward to each day that you live. I strongly believe that persons choose the happiness they have in their lives. This is said, even acknowledging that many persons have more advantages in their lives to make them happy, but the ultimate choice of the level of choosing to love life we have is within ourselves. To love life is to enjoy the road we experience on our one time trip on earth. Whether or not one believes in an eternal life after we die, the one thing we know for sure is that we are on earth and we have a finite amount of time to live here. The point is not for you to wake up at 80 years old and realize you have not enjoyed the road and have not loved life. Loving life is seeing each day as a new experiment for you to try out all the things you have learned on how to be happy and how to love life. In order to love life, we need to love ourselves, we need to be cultivating happiness and positivity in our lives, we need to be showing gratitude for what we have, we need to eat healthy and nourish the body that we have to make sure it functions at its highest possible level, we need to be living in the now and not letting the past control the present and future or focusing only on the future and not enjoying the present. Overall, we need a philosophy of life that promotes love of life that is nourished by the constant challenges of life and the fulfillment that comes from successfully meeting them. We love life if we see it as an opportunity to not just make ourselves happy, but to also demonstrate love and caring in a way that we help others to the point that our life has been significant with a meaningful purpose. When we choose to love life, we are becoming a model for other people to make them happier and more successful in life in addition to making ourselves happier with the love for life we are experiencing that we have chosen.

August 12, 2025 I have always found the nature versus nurture debate to be both entertaining and very interesting. There are many persons who will argue genetics are far superior than the life experiences that one has in determining their success in life. On the other hand, there are many persons who are convinced that the opportunities one has in life are far superior to genetic make up. The question is if a person is more impacted by their genetic make up or their life experiences. I am of the belief that both are very important and it really is impossible to make an absolute decision one way or the other. There clearly are people who seem to have better aptitude for certain types of academics, sporting activities or social experiences than others. On the other hand, it is rather clear that experiences have a huge impact on your opportunities to succeed and do well in life. The fact that identical twins who have the same genetic make up often achieve differently and appear to have different talents clearly shows that environment is critical in terms of what people do and not just genetic make up. I personally had two good friends in my youth who became engineers. One was superb academically and did his degree in four years and had a successful career. The other lacked the ability of the other, but had a tenaciousness and an absolute desire to become a big time engineer. It took him six years to do a four-year engineering degree but ended up building roads all over the world for a multinational company. I also have known persons in my practice and on the road of life with tremendous abilities in various academic areas and very strong interpersonal skills that never had the opportunities in life to expand on these skills, and as a result, never developed or achieved to their potential. We also see this in sports where someone with greater natural ability often does not achieve to the level of the tenacious and totally dedicated athlete with less physical ability but with a burning desire to achieve to the highest possible level. I have seen persons with limited abilities finely hone them to the highest possible level and become very successful in their fields. Another factor not talked about is personal attractiveness as defined by the time they are living. Persons who are seen as attractive in a society are often given opportunities that persons who are not seen as attractive do not. This clearly is not fair, but is a reality. There was a study done some years ago that showed when persons talked to persons on a phone who they believed were attractive, they treated them better than if they felt they were not attractive. Attractiveness would be a genetic factor that is usually not talked about when persons are talking about nature versus nurture. I only mention it because I think if anyone looks at the world as it is, they will see that being attractive is a positive factor and opens opportunities in life. With that said, many persons who are not attractive have great success due to competence,confidence and solid communication skills. My final thought is that the whole issue of nature versus nurture is going to be debated as long as humans debate issues, but there never will be complete agreement. I believe it is simply safe to say that if a person has the opportunity and desire to develop their skills to their maximum potential, it is predictable they will do it. It also is true that individuals need to focus on what skills they have and develop them as best they can rather than getting into any type of debate about whether their environment or their genetic make up will determine their success in life. It obviously will be a combination of the two along with your commitment and effort to succeed.