Thanksgiving is a great holiday mersin eskort for everyone. Regardless of how our life is going, we all have something to be grateful for. It can be a positive memory, a good deed to help others or a fun-filled family day to celebrate our love for family and God if we are so inclined.
The level to which we are not grateful is a level of dissatisfaction in life. When anger, jealousy, entitlement, frustration and unfairness win out over gratefulness, we suffer a loss of humanity and we become petty and bitter. To be thankful allows us to appreciate what we have and see the potential we have to be the best possible for ourselves and others.
Our lives can be loaded with more joy if we reach out and make others feel better and have hope for their present and future. To help others is a gift we can be grateful.
If times are tough and they are for many, work hard to try to find things, as little as they may be, to be grateful. You will be a happier person and have a happier life. Go for it!
If you would like me to send you a recent radio segment I did on the “Tony Conley Radio Show” on Thanksgiving on 1320 a.m., please feel free to email me.
The best is wished to each of you during this Thanksgiving Holiday!
God Bless!

Question
Dr.Braccio: I just heard you kocasinan eskort bayan on the radio as a guest talking about ADD but was not able to call in with a question. I’m very upset with my parents. Our hard working nine year old daughter has been diagnosed with both ADD and a Reading Disability. She is a wonderful and sensitive girl who has taken a lot over the past few years due to her disabilities. She has a tutor and we and the school work hard with her and she is doing fairly well. What I’m mad about is that my parents say ADD is a bunch of bunk and our daughter is lazy and has no reading problem. They have said this to us and we have ignored them but now we know they’ve been telling her this all the time when she is alone with them. I guess my father is quite aggressive when he talks to her and tells her to shape up. She was afraid to tell us and has been scared to be with them alone. She cried last time we were going to drop her off. We felt horrible when she told us what has been happening. My husband is mad and is ready to confront them. Our daughter is very intimidated by them and wants us to do nothing. For now, my husband says he will do nothing but says something has to change. To make things worse, an unmarried sister lives with my parents and has been saying the same thing. I’m so mad but hate to start a big family fight. My two sisters say they will not change and to ignore them and have my daughter do the same thing. What do you think?
Answer
You need to say something. This is a form of bullying. Your daughter, though no fault of her own, has ADD and a reading disability. She needs encouragement and support rather than psychological abuse, intimidation and bullying.
Even if your parents mean well, their approach is hurtful and destructive to her self-esteem. Your daughter needs to know you are defending her and that she does not have to put up with bullying, regardless of the intent of your parents and sister. It makes her feel insecure by their saying in effect she is the cause of her problems. That is mean spirited, untrue and unfair. She has already been through enough in her young life.
You need to emphatically tell them not only are they wrong but they are damaging the self-esteem of your wonderful daughter. Let them know this is not acceptable and you will not allow it anymore.
To allow this to occur and ignore it would be poor parenting. While I know persons unfortunately need to adapt to insensitive persons in life when it cannot be controlled, this is a controllable situation and must end.
Sadly, too many in our society criticize persons with disabilities because they do not understand them and choose to criticize rather than get educated. Hopefully, your directness can help them see the truth and be helpful. If not, they will suffer by not being an active part in the life of both of you and their wonderful granddaughter or niece.
At a level she can understand, you can tell your daughter she does not have to put up with this type of behavior. Explain her disabilities to her if you have not. She needs to know they are real, not her fault and that she with effort and support can be successful and happy in life.

Part of my work over the karatay bayan partner years has been to help managers and executives be more effective and became leaders. Most come on their own but some are sent for help with specific problem areas where they are seen as lacking and they must improve. I will spell out some helpful management strategies used by effective managers that I try to help develop with them in our sessions. They seem like common sense but are often lost track of or worse have never been learned. A key thought for all of us is that one is never too old to learn and not to manage by this maxim will eventually do you in professionally as a manager or executive.
Strategies on how to be a better manager/executive to become a leader in any organization.
1. Accept responsibility for things that do not work out. Bad luck and the past are not excuses. With a team effort, focus on solutions, enjoy the challenges and overcome them.
2. Make sure expectations are clear with no doubt. Mission needs to be the same for everyone.
3. Help people to their highest possible level. Be a coach and always encourage and be positive.
4. Act with integrity yourself as you are the model of behavior. Only hire high performers. Take your time. Hiring is critical to failure and success of your organization.
5. Manage your time and help others do the same.
6. Be constructive with criticism.
7. Use humor.
8. Always learn, read, be open to new ideas, try new tings, listen, be helpful, be accessible and always be positive.
If you would like an audio segment sent on this topic from a recent interview I did on 1320 am Radio in Lansing, Michigan, request it and it will be emailed to you at no change.

Yesterday I did a segment on 1320 am Radio in Lansing, Michigan about 9/11.I felt it might be mersin anamur escort bayanları useful to share some of the points covered. If you would like to hear it, email a request to me and I will email it to you. As always, your comments are appreciated.
The 9/11 Terrorist Attack is something that has changed America psychologically for as long as we last as a nation. President Bill Clinton said of those who died ON Flight 93 when they bravely stormed the cockpit: ORDINARY PEOPLE GIVEN NO TIME AT ALL TO DECIDE, AND THEY DID THE RIGHT THING. AND 2,500 YEARS NOW, I HOPE AND PRAY TO GOD THAT PEOPLE WILL STILL REMEMBER THIS. President George Bush quoted a letter from President Abraham Lincoln to a mother who reportedly lost five sons in the Civil War: I PRAY THAT OUR HEAVENLY FATHER MAY ASSUAGE THE ANGUISH OF YOUR BEREAVEMENT. President Obama said it best: IT WILL BE SAID OF US THAT WE KEPT THE FAITH, THAT WE TOOK THE PAINFUL BLOW AND EMERGED STRONGER. Personally we were on a flight from Miami to Detroit. We were the last or one of the last planes into Detroit Metro. It was eerie and scary. Dr. Mahmood Hai of the Muslin Community Of Western Suburbs mosque in Canton, Michigan said: HERE IN THE UNITED STATES, THERE IS NO THEM. JUST US. Governor Synder said: WE ARE MOVING FORWARD TOGETHER AS MICHIGANDERS AND AMERICANS. The quotes go on from the famous to every American in conversations with others. Life is very fragile. To recognize that people are out there who so hate us that they can see a purpose in killing thousands of innocent people shows the power of evil and the need to see it and destroy it. What a perversion when such persons would so distort the wishes of God to do this. The wonder is that the good in people won out in thousands of brave acts, kind thoughts and fervent prayers. This is a testament of you and all others of good will in our country and around the world. I am optimistic in the ultimate power of GOOD over EVIL if we all try to do our part as human beings.

Question
Dr. Braccio: I have a dilemma.I have an 11 year of son that resulted from a brief relationship with a silifke eskort ilanları military person. He has always paid support, but only after an initial paternity fight. He has recently retired and three months ago, at least temporarily, moved to this area. He says he retired as early as he could to come here. He has no other children. I’ve had no other children and have recently come through a terrible relationship and divorce. We’ve been dating and my son is so happy to have him near. He’s so proud to have his dad at his events and in his life. They get along very well. This is particularly true because my ex-husband treated him so badly. He could never do anything right. What do I do? I never really knew him and wonder what is the best thing to do. He’s being good to me. He’s not been involved as he traveled from place to place over the years. He only saw him three times over those years and only called on his birthday and major holidays. He wants to develop a relationship with me and his son. He seems to be trying hard. Can I trust him? What should I do?
Answer
I would be wary of him. If you decide to enter a relationship with him, you need to do it slowly. That you are already dating shows the process has begun. If he is good to your son over a period of time, that would be a good gauge to use as far as the two of you are concerned. Because of what already has happened to your son, you cannot risk him again being hurt and “treated badly”.
That he is the father and they are now bonding will be positive if he maintains himself in his life. It is possible he has now placed his priorities in order. However, his lack of visits and contacts over the years has to make you cautious. This is true even though he was in the military. That he retired as soon as he could is positive. That he chose not to live near his son and did not leave the military sooner raises questions and puts up a flag of caution.
At a positive level, his coming to live near you and his son is very positive. That he is trying to build a relationship with both of you is positive. That both of you are alone and have one child is a good reason to be together, even with all of the intervening years.
Because of the potential problems that could occur to all of you emotionally, you might find working with a therapist experienced in complicated family relationships could be helpful. If there is a spiritual component to your lives, a pastor could also be helpful.
A big question is whether he will stay near his son if the two of you do not come together as a couple. This could be devastating to your son if he were to leave. If not already, you must openly discuss this.
Your situation is very complicated. It appears to have all the makings of great potential or great disaster. That he “treats you good” and gets along “very well” with your son are most positive factors. Because of the potential good for all of you, to attempt to have the relationship work seems worth the effort; however, please be cautious prior to making any major commitments.

Question:
Dr.Braccio: I have an odd but for me a difficult escort bayan mersin problem. Thirty-two years ago I was stationed in Texas and took up with a woman there. I was with her when she was pregnant from another man. I went through the pregnancy with her and agreed to have my name on the birth certificate so there would be the name of a father the mother cared for. I cared for her and her mother a lot and was involved in her upbringing for two years and then returned to Michigan and pretty much put it behind me. I left on good terms with the mother. We both realized we were not compatible. The daughter is moving to Troy, Michigan for a good job. She wrote me because her mother had died and she wanted to meet her father. I know who her father is and found him in a people search. My problem is what to tell her. No one in my family knew anything about this and I never imagined this happening. My wife, adult children, and family tell me to just tell her the whole truth and direct her to her real father. I am not sure how to tell her, what to tell her, and where to tell her. I also have some feelings for someone I shared a lot of happy times with when she was a baby and young child. What do you advise?
Answer:
Even though most people would say you need to tell her the truth, this is clearly a very delicate situation. An added difficulty is that this has brought up old feelings and you still have some for this girl. You put your name on her birth certificate and helped raise her for two years.
You need to talk to your wife and children about this and explain how you feel. Ideally they will understand and collectively you can decide what to do.
In my mind it is better to meet with her to discuss this. Even if painful for your wife, she may want to meet with you when you see her. To do this, she will need more understanding and compassion than many of us have. Your children may also want to meet her. Hopefully they and your wife can understand this was a baby and child you cared for and even loved.
I suggest you tell her you loved her as a child but are not her biological father. If she presses you, and many might not agree, I would tell her the name of the man her mother told you was her father. She can then decide what to do with the information. She is over 30 and apparently a successful adult.
It is possible you will meet with her one time and that will be the end of it. At a human level, it is possible you can all get to know her as someone you helped raise the first two years of her life.
As a final thought, you might want to talk to an attorney about any legal implications of you being named her father on the birth certificate.

Question:
Dr.Braccio: I’ve found out my karatay bayan escort fifteen year old son has stolen some CDs from his uncle. I checked in his room and found them hidden. My brother had called me and asked me if they were in my house because he believed my son took them because he was the last person with them. He also said he thinks he has taken other things from him. I honestly told him I thought no but would check. When I asked my son, he got mad at me and his uncle and said he didn’t have them. My problem is that I’ve told my son I’ll never snoop and look around in his room without his permission. This was done when I found things I didn’t want in his room in the past and he agreed not to do it anymore or lie about it if I wouldn’t go into his room. I thought he’d been good recently. I’ve broken that agreement and found the CDs hidden between his mattress. What do I do? If I tell him, he’ll say I’ve broken our trust by doing this. I’m very confused.
Answer
You tell him you found the CDs and are very upset he stole them and then lied to you. Let him know how you feel when he steals and then lies to you about it. He needs to know that even though you love him and will help him anyway possible, lying and stealing are unacceptable behaviors.
Then tell him he broke his word that led to your “snooping” in his room. When you agreed to “never snoop”, that was made in good faith and trust that he would hold up his end of the agreement. When his uncle convincingly raised the issue of the stolen CDs, you had justifiable reason to suspect your son had nullified the agreement. As a parent, you must employ your judgment in these matters and you did so appropriately.
His lying and stealing have shown he has a lack of respect for you, his home, his uncle, and even for himself if to lie and steal are what he is choosing to do. It appears he has done this in the past and has not stopped.
A parent has a responsibility to give teenagers as much privacy as is possible; however, parents need the right to go into any part of the house when there is a concern something is there that the parent would find unacceptable. That is good parenting and respectful children accept this. What if there were drugs and he overdosed?
It is apparent from your own words that your son previously has had things in his room you find objectable and lied about it. To have agreed not to go in without his permission on his word he would not do it again was the wrong solution to the problem.
You need to do now what you needed to in the past. Tell him you’re going into his room will directly relate to the level of trust you have for him doing what you desire in your home. Yes, I said “your home”. For now, regular “snooping” will occur.
It is his job to build up your trust in him and not vice versa. Honorable and positive self-esteem are the personality traits of persons who are truthful and do what they say they will do. Effective parenting requires you to help your son stop lying and stealing. The end result will be a proud mother and a son respectful of himself, his mother, and his home.

Question
Dr.Braccio: My two teenaged children seem to always be taken advantage of by their mersin esc friends. Sadly, this has also been my lot in life. We give and give, but our friends ultimately seem to want to take advantage of us or not be helpful. They even often demand help and support from us while offering us none. I have tried to not have my children be like me but they’re having the same problems. What’s the problem? What can we do?
Answer
All three of you do not develop mature and mutually satisfying friendships. A close friend is in many ways “another you” that you can count on to discuss whatever you want openly and safely when feeling down, feeling good, feeling mellow, feeling ecstatic, etc. In effect, a person who will never betray you or misuse what you share and a person who enjoys your life as you enjoy theirs. A friend offers a peaceful psychological harbor where you are safe from the gales of life. It is a person who will treat you as you will treat that person. The roles of who is helping who the most will reverse over time as the ups and downs of life effects each of you. Over time, things will even out as each is a “true friend” and mutually helps and is helped by the other. Even though it is very hard to develop such friendships, you clearly never have gotten into a relationship that could result in such a friendship.
The primary problem is a lack of self-esteem. A true friendship requires equality. You must care for yourself equal to the other person. You in effect must “love thy neighbor as thyself”. You have lost the “thyself”.
A test for a friendship is if you feel good about yourself after interactions with that person. If this is not the case, it is not a good friendship and you should get out of it. This is not always easy to do. Persons that pose as friends but really only want our help and support are hard to get away from because they want the unfair relationship to continue for their own needs. As you said, unhelpful friends “even often demand help and support from us while offering us none.”
The following examples are types of behaviors that reflect a “false friendship”:
1. Promises are not kept.
2. Confidentiality is broken.
3. No sensitivity to your concerns while always focusing on the other’s concerns.
4. Lying. Truth is a minimal standard in any friendship.
5. A “competitor” who wants to win or outdo you all the time.
6. The “critic” who always finds fault with you.
7. The “controller” who wants you to behave and think in a certain way.
8. The “negative” person who brings you down by only finding the negative in everything, including you and your friendship!
9. The “equalizer” who absurdly makes sure there is an absolute fairness in the friendship. Usually, this is not only trying on the friendship, but often is an attempt to determine the course of the friendship.
10. The “analyzer” who wants to figure out every hidden reason why you do something. This is tiring and gets in the way of friendship.
If you know any of these “persons”, who are posing as friends, have the courage to change the rules or get them out of your lives. Life is too short to be hurt by persons who say they are friends. A false friend causes one far more hurt and grief than a known enemy.

Question:
Dr.Braccio: Our 17 konya merkez kadın numaraları year old son is a pretty neat kid. He gets along well with just about everybody. Our concern is that he’s a remarkably average student in spite of strong academic potential. We had him evaluated a few years ago and he was found to be very intelligent but not motivated academically. He rarely gets a D or a B. It seems he aims exactly for a C and gets it . Our concern is that as he enters his senior year next year, what can be done to fire him up? We’ve tried to bribe him, punish him, and just about everything else. He says he’ll go to Lansing Community College when he graduates and try to find out there what he’ll do. Most of our friends think we’re lucky to have him and not worry so much about him. They think he’s a great kid and will do fine. What do you think?
Answer:
You first of all need to applaud yourselves for having such a fine son. Because he has chosen to be an average student through nearly the eleventh grade, it does not appear he will radically change in the coming months prior to entering his senior year. That he “gets along well with just about everybody” is very positive and shows he has excelled at social development. This alone can be the basis of many successful careers.
You need to continue to encourage him to do his best in school. That is your job as parents. Hopefully, he will do this, but it appears it will begin at Lansing Community College; and that is acceptable.
That he wants to go to Lansing Community College is positive. Hopefully there he will begin the academic spurt he needs to achieve closer to his potential. I believe Lansing Community College is a wonderful community learning center. In fact, I believe large numbers of students would do much better to spend some time there rather than going immediately to a four year school. It is a place your son can find himself academically as well as his future vocation. It is amazing all the careers one can prepare for at Lansing Community College.
Even though parents want their children to get top grades, to be an average student when you have no career goals in life and you are not motivated can be seen as positive. Too many children who are not motivated simply drop out of school and often end up with meager jobs due to a lack of basic education and work skills. That is not the case of your son.
You need to try to encourage him whenever he finds something of interest that could be a career for him. For example, if he were to say he liked how teachers help children, you could follow up with discussion about him being a teacher.
Try not to use “yes/but” statements. For an example, do not say, “We’re glad you don’t get Ds, but we want all As and Bs”. For now, this will turn him off as it apparently has over the years. Even though it will be hard for you, ongoing discussion is more likely to occur from the following interaction: “Son, we’re happy you passed everything. Are you satisfied?” Even if there is not a lot of follow up discussion, at least there is a chance rather than the coffin-like “yes/but” statements that will lead nowhere.
Even though you are frustrated, try to focus on his strong social strengths and be his guide and support when in the future he focuses more on academics and vocational planning.

Question
Dr.Braccio: We were recently unnerved when our six year began crying hysterically and begging silifke eskort ilanları us to quit fighting and yelling at each other. He said he can’t stand it. After getting over our shock, we hugged him and said we would try. We actually argue all the time and it seems like each of us likes to try to subdue the other and we won’t stop. The problem is that we can’t agree on most things except that we love our two children and will stay together. What can we do? We obviously enjoy arguing, even though we admit we go too far and we’re often angry at each other. We also want our children to be peaceful and happy persons.
Answer
You need to become a “couple” that discusses issues without the need to have a winner by one of you trying to “subdue” the other. Obviously, and fortunately, neither of you is about to be subdued.
You need to compromise, fight fairly, and respect each other. You do none of these when you constantly enter into a never ending power struggle. The fact you are “often angry at each other” certainly takes a toll on each of you and your relationship. The end result will not be pretty. The result on your son is unfair and ugly.
That your son is so upset over you “fighting and yelling” is a clear sign you need to learn to communicate and problem solve in a far more genteel manner. Use the concerns of your son as a “wake up” call to change your destructive interaction patterns. Love cannot grow or even survive in an environment where “to subdue’ is the goal. The fruits of your interactions are anger, hurt, rage, and eventually hatred.
“Coupleness” is a wonderful thing to develop as we walk the road that is our lives. It is needed in order to be a loving and effective couple and family. What you do not understand yet is that a healthy marriage and family life must be based on teamwork and mutual respect.
You two need to model the type of loving, peaceful, and effective interactions to best guarantee your children will be “peaceful and happy persons”. Predictably, your children will grow up “yellers” or be intimidated by “yellers” if you persist in your competitive and destructive interactions. Either of these outcomes will result in a person who will have problems effectively interacting with people in life. They do not deserve this.
I would suggest all four of you can be “peaceful and happy persons” by being positive, tolerant, and understanding of your individual differences and outlooks. Not only would you two get along remarkably better, but you would show by example how human beings problem solve in an environment where individual opinions are respected even when there are disagreements.
The huge advantages changing your negative interactions are without a disadvantage. The disadvantages, including destroying your marriage and the family life of your children, justify immediate change. Even though it is difficult to change ingrained behaviors, you can do it. Redirect and harness your enormous negative energy into positive energy. It is exciting to think of what you will accomplish for the happiness of you and your children!

This is a Question written in to me at 1320 WLNS silifke eskort numaraları Am Radio on the Tony Conley Show.
Question:
Dr. Braccio: How do you change someone’s perception of you when they feel they cannot count on you or trust you?
Answer:This is a very difficult perception to change. The following are suggestions assuming there is some legitimacy to the perception:
1. Talk to the person and honestly try to come to an agreement on future interactions.
2. Do consistently what you say you will do. Simple, but difficult for many to do.
3. For emphasis, you will do what you say over time. Only uncontrollable circumstances can change this.
4. You try to agree to do things that are helpful. People will trust you, count on your word, want to be around you and as a bonus be their friend.
As a final word, “Integrity” is earned over time from being consistent and helpful to others. Like a garden, it must be maintained daily and can be lost as quickly as does a storm to a garden if one’s word is no longer truthful.

Question:
Dr.Braccio: Our fifth grade son is having problems getting kocasinan bayan arkadaş along in school. He’s very smart but has a hard time getting along with children his own age. We hoped this would pass. We began home schooling him in the third grade because of the same kind of problems. We put him back in school this year because his therapist said he needed more interaction with children because he felt he was too isolated and becoming too selfish and set in his ways. We don’t know what to do. Our son doesn’t like school and wants to have me start teaching him again. Academically he’s well above grade level. What should we do? How can we help him?
Answer:
To home school a child can be a fine choice for many children. That is not true, as in the case of your son, when someone cannot get along with his peers. Unless the children are all unreasonable, and that would be highly unlikely, he needs to learn to get along with them.
Part of a person’s educational process is socialization, which includes learning to get along with one’s peers. Your son has proved academics can be learned outside of the traditional academic setting. What he needs to learn is that his character is developed in the often difficult and turbulent world of social interaction.
If he is selfish and not able to get along with people now, imagine how difficult his life will be in the future. To this point in his life, he proves that education is more than just academics. It appears your son has never learned how to share and be involved in team work. He needs to learn this to be effective in life.
Try to find activities he can do at school that will enhance his ability to share, be part of a team, and learn both tolerance and flexibility. You can talk to his teacher and/or school counselor about this. Any small group activities at school dealing with these issues could also be helpful.
In family discussions at times ripe for good communication, let him know he must learn to share, accept differences of opinion, seek out friendships, and try to be a team player at home, school, and in the community. Listen to his arguments, but firmly let him know he must change to be an effective and caring human being.
Encourage friendships by inviting possible friends to come over to visit, go to a movie, a community event, or other activities. Parent involvement can be very helpful in encouraging friendships of our children.
Involvement in peer activities in churches, boy scouts, or community recreational activities could also help.
Due to the long time your son has developed his personality and outlooks, it will not be easy for him to change. Continued efforts by you, his therapist, involved school personnel, and trying some of the above suggestions can make progress possible for him to become not just academically advanced, but also socially advanced as an effective and caring human being.

Question:
Dr.Braccio: Our intelligent escort bayan mersin and attractive seventeen year old daughter is entering her senior year and is having a hard time emotionally. She never wants to do things, has few friends and just mopes around the house saying how bad her life is. We previously had her in counseling. She said it didn’t help her and she now takes an anti-depressant. Nothing seems to help her. She can find the flaw or negative in anything she does or we say. What can we do? We have just about given up.
Answer:
In street terms, your daughter has a case of “negativity” whereby she plays life’s victim. As you can see, this negative outlook is totally destructive and stops her from having any success or happiness in her life.
While your daughter might now be worse emotionally without the counseling she had or her current anti-depressant, it also is true nothing can help someone who chooses to see everything through a negative prism. This is similar to the proverb, “The best of winds will not help a ship that steers for no port”.
She seems to have lost all passion for life and is emotionally immobilized. This is the result of “negativity”. Her self-talk is such that she refuses to see anything positive and simply “mopes around the house” in a hopeless stupor.
To overcome depression/negativity, one must literally “do something”. To just feel negative and that life is unfair will get her nowhere; and being nowhere makes one very dissatisfied with self and one’s life.
Even though success will probably be slow, keep trying to be positive and build on any positives that occur in her life. Also be aware your making resources available to her in the form of good advice, unconditional love, drug therapy, and previous counseling is the best you can do for her. Ultimately, she is responsible for her own happiness and must decide to make good decisions in that direction. Happiness is enjoying every day and deciding to seek out the positive in life and build our life around it.
To just “do something” may sound simple, yet persons who are depressed and negative find it so hard to do. All their human creativity is locked away in their unconscious and does them no good. It is as useful as a wonderful car locked away in storage.
Hopefully, she will one day begin to listen to her inner voice of strength to make good decisions that will ultimately result in her reaching her potential for happiness and satisfaction.

Question
Dr.Braccio: We try to instill patriotism, belief in God and being anamur escort kızlar good citizens into our two teenage children. Fortunately, they are good kids with a conscience. Our religious beliefs are a source of strength and humility for all of us. In spite of how busy we are, and we are very busy, we wonder if there are other things we need to do. We both work hard and try to do right by our personal and religious beliefs. Should we do more? We often feel we should. With young soldiers fighting for us around the world and persons out in the world doing heroic things, we’re searching our conscience to see if we need to do more. Are we judging ourselves too harshly? We get confused.
Answer
You are doing wonderfully and are “heroic” models for others. To work hard, give good advice and most importantly, model what you advise, is the combination that builds families, communities and nations . That sounds pretty heroic to me in a world with so much temptation, ineffective parenting, selfishness, corruption and poor citizenship.
Heroism is often thought of as on the battlefield or something like saving someone from drowning. While those are good and dramatic examples, other heroes struggle every day to work hard and do the right things for themselves, their families and their fellow citizens. They in effect are the incubators that produce heroes on the field of life as teachers, soldiers, police, elected officials, ministers, firefighters and parents.
The fact your children are “good kids with a conscience” shows what you are teaching and modeling in your house is working. Too often, we in our society not only emphasize problems and bad behavior, but even justify it. Stand up and be proud of what you are doing and achieving as a family. Society needs more “heroes” like the two of you.
Your religious beliefs seem to be most helpful to the family. “Strength and humility” resulting from religious convictions have led to countless heroic acts that have advanced the human condition. Good examples of this would be Mother Theresa, Michelangelo, Jimmy Carter, Pope John Paul and countless persons such as yourselves. Stand up and accept your kudos.
I believe you are “judging yourselves too harshly”. You are a model to most of us. The important thing to remember is the life you lead is exemplary and is in itself is a form of heroism. Diverting time and energy to other worthy activities would not improve on what you do. At present, your priorities for yourselves and children seem very well in place.
Your humility is a wonderful trait that never lets you get arrogant and insensitive. It guides you to do the right things for yourself and others. Make sure you do not let this wonderful trait be misread to convince you that you are not doing enough. In your own way, you advance the human condition.

Question:
Dr.Braccio: I mersin anamur escort bayanları feel overwhelmed by life. I’m a thirty year old wife, mother of an eight and nine year old and a professional woman. The problem is that I have so much internal pressure from all these areas. My children need to see more of me personally and at their events, my husband, who is a teacher and has more time than I do, does not have much quality time with me, and my boss is putting more and more pressure on me to work more as we push a big long term project. I don’t know what to do. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. My parents tell me to look for a new job and place my priorities in order. To them, family must come first. My husband is patient but says things must change and more or less says the same thing as my parents. I feel torn from all sides. What should I do?
Answer:
You need to thoughtfully prioritize your life. You must more effectively balance the needs of children, husband, family, and work. I would agree with your parents and husband. The children/ marriage/family needs must take priority over work. Most specifically, because you brought the children into the world and they did not ask to come, the children need to be your first priority. To have a good marriage is critical for their well being as well as the happiness of you and your husband.
Work appears to be the pressure area that needs to be put under control. The demands are causing the conflict within you about the amount of time you are spending with the children and your husband.
You will be very upset with yourself in the future if your choice about work sours your marriage and does not allow you to be intimately involved in all the exciting events in the lives of your children. Sharing such things as parent and family are among the great joys this life has to give.
The choices you would seem to have about work would be as follows:
1. Not change and try to better manage conflicts as they exist today.
2. Work “shorter” hours and take more control over your work.
3. Meet with your boss to discuss what time you can realistically put into your job.
4. Take a demotion, as hard as that might be, to have better mental health and more time with your husband and children.
5. Determine if your husband could take some time off work or work part-time if you could do it financially and you are willing not to spend that much time with your husband and children. He would then spend more and more time with the children and clearly become the primary child rearing parent.
6. Seek out a new job that will give you more time for you to be with your husband and children.
If you choose to quit your job or take a demotion, do it because your heart is filled with love for your children and husband and not out of guilt and frustration. This is said even though such a decision will be painful.
Something must give somewhere. It simply seems reasonable to not sacrifice human beings, your children and husband, over a job. Millions of scattered and broken families have resulted when mothers and fathers have allowed work to destroy their family relationships.
It is important to also be aware that these extremes of stress increase your susceptibility to disease. These stressors harshly take their toll on the human body as well as your social emotional relationships.
If you have a sense of spirituality, you may find, as do millions, that prayer can help solve problems.
The best is wished to you with the awareness any decision you make will be difficult.

Question: Dr. Braccio: What can I do to help someone who might be emotionally distressed during Christmas?
Answer: As we go into the Christmas Holiday Season, hopefully with great gusto, it is important to note many people feel lonely, lost and depressed during this period.It is a time that divorce, mersin esc death, family discord, illness, negativity, memories of a happier past or many other problem areas can lead to a person feeling sad and even severely depressed. What can you do to help someone who might be sad or depressed during this period have more joy? Also, always remember by helping those you love and others have greater joy and even a growing sense of spirituality will make you feel better. The following are suggested:
1. Give a smile to everyone you see and talk to. This can positively impact on the sad, depressed and everyone else. Everyone needs smiles!
2. Call an old friend or acquaintance who might like to hear from you.
3. Give support to someone who lost a loved one recently or who passed during this particular time of year.
4. Invite a family member or friend over to your home at Christmas, Hanukah or whatever other day you celebrate if you feel the person is alone and needs some companionship and support.
5. Call someone you have not gotten along with to get rid of the tensions and even anger and start a new beginning.
Make sure you do not have a “Bah, Humbug” attitude in your Christmas Holiday Season.

Question
Dr.Braccio: Our daughter will begin mersin anamur eskort bayanları her senior year next year. We are very proud of her solid B average as an honors student. Our concern is that all of her friends are honor students who get straight As. She is happy but sometimes complains how many hours she studies. We have advised her to just do her best and not worry. She says she always wants to do better but is not overly critical of her performance. We worry about when her friends will all go off to prestigious schools and she will not. What do you think?
Answer
As you said, your daughter “is happy”. She gives every indication of being very successful in life. Getting straight As is wonderful and to be sought after, but success and happiness in life goes to the person who works hard, appreciates success, accepts what one can do, and does not give up. Your daughter is loaded with these qualities.
It is positive your daughter chooses to have friends who strive for academic success. Excellence for her is trying hard and doing her best. The important thing is for your daughter to not negatively compare her grades with others. She must compare her performance with herself and no one else. If she does this, and she apparently does, then happiness and success will be hers her whole lifetime.
Even if she does not get all As, competing with the best in honor classes and getting Bs is arguably better than getting As against less talented and/or committed students. Her hard work in classes will help her do well when going to college. It also is positive and mentally healthy that she “is not critical of her performance”.
If you feel the pressure of life is so heavy on her that her mental health is suffering, then you might talk to her about taking less competitive classes. This does not seem to be the case and it appears she desires to continue as she is. With that said, to keep monitoring her mental health is good parenting. You might feel better and get some good perspective by talking to the school counselor about this situation.
You need to always let her know how proud you are of her hard work and solid academic performance. Make sure your concerns, which might not be hers, do not become her concerns by being negatively influenced by you.
As far as college goes, I am sure she, with your support, will come up with an excellent choice. She may not go to Harvard, but she will predictably go to a fine school, have solid academic success, and have a fine life. She sounds like a delightful young person.
Considering she is taking honors classes and works so hard, you may be surprised the colleges she can go to. You can look into this yourself as well as get information from the high school counselor. Someone like your daughter, if she desires, may end up high on the list of some prestigious colleges.
As a final comment, your daughter, like all children, needs ongoing encouragement and support. Clearly, her desire to succeed is burning brightly for all to see. Be proud of her and your parenting. It is obvious good things are going on in your home.

Question
We have had a lot of frustration the past three years.My mother and my husband’s father died after long illnesses, our children and grandchildren moved to the West Coast and we’ve silifke escort ilanları lost a lot of our retirement funds in the stock market. At least things are getting better there. The problem is that we’re upset and think life isn’t fair to us. This may not be reasonable, but it’s how we feel. Our jobs and health are okay but we’re down. What can we do? We firmly believe in God, but are hurting.
Answer
Accept your feelings are valid but do not let them control your lives. To grieve the loss of your parents, children and grandchildren to far away places, and losing a lot of your retirement funds would take the steam out of anyone. What you must do is accept it has happened, as unfortunate as it might be, and move on to compensate as best you can with good decisions and positive thoughts for the future.
To begin with, life is clearly not fair. We must make the best decisions we can to give us the best probability for success and happiness; however, unexpected accidents, illnesses, changes in the economy, movement of loved ones, etc., can weigh on us emotionally and/or physically.
True love and friendships can help us through the worst of times. To have persons there who will help us through the tough spots is critical. You have each other and your children and grandchildren, ever if far away, who love you. Rejoice in your love for each other and work together to help you through this difficult period.
We must never compare ourselves with others. We only can control our lives and need to do that as best we can. Comparison causes unhappiness because it too often is human nature to compare ourselves in difficult times with those more fortunate.
You can only be yourselves. These are your lives. You each need to put yourselves in the driver’s seat and take control of your lives.
Keep regular contact with letters, phone calls, and emails with your children and grandchildren. Plan trips as much as possible to spend time as a full family. The anticipation and planning of what you will do when together can positively help occupy your thoughts and make their loss less painful.
With your children gone, you need to do thing things with new people. Seek them out at work, in the community or at your church.
Spirituality can help you as you pray for guidance and support. Sincere prayer has led to many great insights and positive changes in the hearts and outlook of believers.
You may find support from a pastor or therapist experienced in grieving and loss such as you have suffered.