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Loyalty As Part of Character Development

This topic was discussed by Dr. Braccio with Tony Conley on the Toney Conley Show on 7/7/12.  A sense of loyalty is something most of us hopefully gain in family interactions or early in life in important personal interactions.  Loyalty is a learned behavior that once developed allows one to develop positive relationships with family, friends, important persons in our lives and systems that require loyalty to succeed. President John Hannah turned down the Secretary of Defense when President Dwight Eisenhower offered it to him in 1957 because he had much to do at Michigan State University for all the current and future citizens he karatay kadın escort could help with his vision for a Land Grant University helping the world.  The famous story of the loyal dog who visited the grave of his master for fourteen years is a wonderful and powerful example of loyalty.  It is common sense if you are seen as loyal by family, friends, at work and in general interactions with others you will be respected and much happier than the person who lacks loyalty and is spurned/not trusted by others.

 

If you have questions or comments, please feel free to contact me directly.

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Speaking Psychologically 7-10-12

Listen to Dr. Braccio discuss Worker Negativity in Difficult Times 

 

Dr.Braccio discusses worker negativity and what to do to change it on silifke eskort numaraları the Toney Conley Show.  Worker negativity is an unfortunate outcome in the workplace.  This is particularly true in this ongoing period of high unemployment, underemployment and job uncertainty.  Common examples of worker negativity are as follows:  1.  Too much work/workload  2.  Concerns on ability of management to effectively manage company/system.  3.  Anxiety and fear for current and future work security.  4.  Lack of recognition for hard work and effort.  5.  Little or no involvement in decisions about your job.  Common solutions by the employer are as follows.  1.  Seek employee input, listen and give honest feedback.  2.  Fairness.  3.  Model desired behaviors and attitudes.  4.  Build team morale.  5.  Develop a vision and inspire staff to buy into it and work hard to accomplish it.  6.  Honesty in all interactions.  7.  Ongoing feedback.

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Retirement Blog

The last Q/A newsletter we sent out related to a woman who wants to retire but her husband wants her to keep working until he can retire. As the baby boomers reach retirement age, questions about when mersineskort to retire are very common.  I deal with them regularly.  Typical questions are as follows: 1. Can I/we afford to retire now.  2. If not, when?  3.  Should I retire and get another job?  4.  Should I/we retire and move?  5.  Can we live the rest of our projected lives on what resources we have?  6.  What do you do when you want to retire and your house, which you planned to be part of your retirement financial resources, has lost a lot of equity that you may need?  7.  Will I have purpose in life? etc.

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Husband’s OK Isn’t Essential

Question

Dr.Braccio:  I’m actually both hurt and escort mersin angry with my husband.  I can retire in four months and want to.  I’m worn out physically and mentally.  He can’t retire for four years and wants me to continue working.  He says we can save more money and retire at the same time.  When I told him we have enough money and I’m worn out, he yelled, “I’m worn out too but have to work and so should you”.  I’ve backed off but want to retire.  Our daughter feels he’s silly and jealous because I can retire and he can’t.  Our pastor, who has a lot of influence over him, says to be patient and hopefully he’ll change his mind.  He said he’ll help out if his views don’t change.  What do you think?

 Answer

I agree you have the right to retire if you feel this is the time.  With that said, it would be helpful to the marriage if you two were in some type of agreement about your retirement.  However, under these circumstances, you need his understanding and not his permission.

The problem is how to resolve this matter.  Ideally, your husband will think about it and come to the reasonable conclusion retirement is a good choice for you.  To continue working if you do not have to when you are “worn out physically and mentally” defies common sense.  It also puts you at needless risk for various physical and emotional problems.  For him to desire this for you reflects a lack of love and sensitivity for your needs.  For you to go along with him and continue working would give you such great anger and needless frustration.

Without sounding harsh, there does appear to be an unfair quality to his desire that you continue working because he must.  That is like saying because you wear glasse, that he must wear them too.

Even though it will be a hard decision for you because of his outlook, to retire when you can seems like the right thing to do.  To risk your emotional and physical health when you do not have to is not reasonable.  Your husband needs to accept this.

If he will not change, you may find your pastor because of his influence, has the best opportunity to soften his heart.  Discussion and prayer can hopefully help solve the problem.

Hopefully your husband will see what he asks of you is unfair, unreasonable and even selfish on his part.  If he does not change his mind and the pastor cannot help, you will retire knowing you did what was necessary and he will be angry and upset.  If so, he will need to cope with it and eventually get over it.  This may be one of those times when agreement is not possible.

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Don’t Be Fenced In By Others’ Expectations

 Question

 Dr.Braccio:  I recently returned to the area after earning a graduate degree and getting a very bayan escort mersin good job.  My problem is an odd one.  I’ve found a women full of love and very loving whom I’ve been dating that I’ve fallen in love with.  The problem is my family and two best friends are advising me not to be with her.  She has two small children, is divorced and is just in her first year of college.  They say I could do much better and it’s silly to take on the burden of the two children.  The problem is I love the children and love her.  I also know they love and need me.  Together, we’re special.  They treat me wonderfully.  Even though I think it is difficult for the children, I feel it’s positive for me that the father has no involvement and doesn’t even live in Michigan while my family and friends feel this just puts more pressure on me.  I see it as a opportunity to help these wonderful children that the father has foolishly disowned.  What do you think?  Marriage may be in our future.  We’re talking about it.  I’m so confused.

 Answer

 The critics have some valid complaints for you to consider.  You have worked hard to get a graduate degree and get the good job you now have.  Ideally, it might be a good idea to find a woman in the same situation who is single with no children.

 The problem is that love is not always logical.  You also love her two children.  As you say, “together, we’re special”.  This is significant and important.  Not only are you meeting your own love and emotional needs, but you also are fulfilling the same needs in the mother and the children.  You will have an instant family with a lot of love.  Even if a lot of responsibility, that can be very wonderful and more than many ever have in life.

 I would encourage you to open your eyes wide and make sure you know the responsibilities you are taking on with not just the mother but the two children.  If after doing that you still want to be with them, then continue with enthusiasm.  Based upon what you are saying, you have done this and love her and the children.  Give credence to your feelings and do not deny them.

 If after soul searching you are still convinced you love her and the children and want to marry her and she agrees, then do it and be proud.  That you know you are loved and needed is wonderful.  Many persons never have those needs fulfilled because sadly they often do not act when the opportunity arrives.

 If you become convinced you are going to marry this person you love, you can just do it and that is that.  You also can meet with your family and friends and let them know how you feel and what you are going to do.  Even though you do not need to, you can explain how you feel and ask for their support.  Hopefully they will all support you out of respect for your feelings.  If they do not, be ready to do what you feel you must do and not worry about approval.

 If you follow your heart and your relationship ends in marriage, then your new primary priorities will be you, your future wife and the children.  It could be a great and rewarding life.

braccioj Blog

Negative TV Ads

 

 

 

 

 

Negative TV Ads

 

Dr. Braccio talks to Tony Conley about negative ads on the Tony Conley Show

 

 

During this growing height of political ads a question can be….Why do politicians use dirty ads?  The following are some points kocasinan escort ilanları for discussion:  1.  People seem to be far more interested in a kidnapping or plane crash than Mary got straight As and the Grand River uneventfully went through Lansing yesterday. I read 9.1% ads were negative in 2008 and 70% recently in this election cycle.  3.  Countless surrogates can attack while the candidate claims no involvement.  4.  Attack ads present the opponent as dangerous, dishonest, deceptive, a crony to certain power interests, shifty, inconsistent, an opportunist, etc.  5.  Negatively and unfairly compare the candidate with your positive and superior traits.  6.  Hope words from extremely negative ads when said over and over again become ingrained in the listener who initially may be turned off by the add.  7.  Focus on emotional issues loaded with fear to turn someone against the opponent.  8.  Raise questions and hopefully some digging by the listener will lead to a changed vote.  9.  Tell half-truths with negative motive and hope people do not look for the facts.  10.  Etc.

 

As a statement, in a 50/50 election every vote counts and dirty adds are and will be part of the political landscape.  They also can turn people off so there is a danger.  My point is to help people be more aware as opposed to knocking anyone or any party.  The biblical quote fits perfectly:  HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN LET HIM CAST THE FIRST STONE.

 

If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to contact me directly.

braccioj Blog

Unexpected Death of Loved One is Especially Hard

Unexpected Death of Loved One is Especially Hard

 

 

Dr.Braccio talked on the Tony Conley Radio Show about the grief, pain and guilt that can occur kocasinan bayan arkadaş when a loved one unexpectedly dies.

 

The following points are discussed:

 

1.  An exceptionally difficult time is made worse by lack of preparation.

2.  Closure may not occur.  We feel guilt because we did not say goodbye or “I love you” to the deceased

person.

3.  We must dig deeply in our psyche and recognize the wonderful times shared together.

4.  If one has a sense of spiritually, we accept this is the time God allocated for our loved one and we will

meet again in a place where pain and death do not exist.

5.  The person will live as long as we remember him or her.

6.  The process of grief includes disbelief, crying, soul searching and eventually acceptance.

lstart Blog

Signs of Spousal Betrayal

Hello Everyone!

I recently had a conversation with a person who told me how betrayed she felt when she realized her husband was having an affair. She asked I advise people of the typical silifke eskort ilanları signs that an affair is occurring.  She says she “foolishly” missed or tried to ignore them and wants to make sure others look for them to save themselves needless emotional agony.  Typical signs of an affair would be as follows:

1.  Better grooming/perfumes and colognes/unusual interest in appearance/improving body appearance/unusual emphasis on exercise.

2.    Unexplained time gaps.

3.    Less or more sex. 

4.    New sexual activities. 

5.    Deletion of phone and computer data. 

6.    Unexplained expenses including hotel bills and gifts you did not receive.

7.    Argue over anything and even use as an excuse to storm out of the house.

8.    Guilty looks and attitudes.

9.    Changes in outlook on life and problems with the marriage and their lives.

10.  Hang up calls and/or catching spouse having secret phone or computer conversations.

11.  Unwillingness to talk or resolve concerns in an open manner

A caution is to not jump to conclusions about a possible affair. Gently begin to raise concerns and seek discussion.

 

braccioj Blog

Signs of Spousal Betrayal

Signs of Spousal Betrayal

Posted on: 05/23/2012 4:49pm
Hello Everyone! I recently had a conversation with a person who told me how betrayed she felt when she realized her husband was having an affair. She asked I advise people of the typical signs that an affair escort mersin is occurring.  She says she “foolishly” missed or tried to ignore them and wants to make sure others look for them to save themselves needless emotional agony.  Typical signs of an affair would be as follows: 1.  Better grooming/perfumes and colognes/unusual interest in appearance/improving body appearance/unusual emphasis on exercise. 2.    Unexplained time gaps. 3.    Less or more sex.  4.    New sexual activities.  5.    Deletion of phone and computer data.  6.    Unexplained expenses including hotel bills and gifts you did not receive. 7.    Argue over anything and even use as an excuse to storm out of the house. 8.    Guilty looks and attitudes. 9.    Changes in outlook on life and problems with the marriage and their lives. 10.  Hang up calls and/or catching spouse having secret phone or computer conversations. 11.  Unwillingness to talk or resolve concerns in an open manner A caution is to not jump to conclusions about a possible affair. Gently begin to raise concerns and seek discussion.

braccioj Blog

Depression, Chronic Pain, and Headaches

Depression, Chronic Pain and Headaches

 

Depression is a condition where the person is sad and experiences little or no joy in life.  The person needs a balance mersin anamur eskort bayanları in life and positive outlook.  Depression and chronic pain with headaches are difficult to copy with and often run together.  The effects can be so devastating to all aspects of a person’s life beyond what the average person would believe possible.  I have worked with many persons or that see their lives revolve around their headaches.  The Depression diagnosis is often missed or minimized because the headaches and chronic pain take all the attention.  The following strategies can help: Relaxation techniques, balance in life, positive outlook, deep breathing, spirituality, hypnosis, medication, counseling, yoga, visual imagery, distraction and dissociation.

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Commitment Fear Tarnishes Proposal

Question:

Dr.Braccio:  I’m struggling and nervous about something mersin anamur eskort bayanları everyone thinks should make me happy.  I’m fifty years old and have been dating a wonderful widower.  He has asked me to marry him.  My kids, friends, family and his family are happy for me.  We met at church and even the pastor is happy.  The problem is I’ve been alone without a man since my husband left the state over twenty-five years ago after we divorced and we’ve never heard from him again.  Because of that horrible experience and my being so busy over the years raising my children and working outside of the home, I turned my feelings off and have been relatively happy alone.  Now I have the chance to marry a wonderful man.  His family loves me and mine him.  Why can’t I accept this?  I believe I want it but am afraid.  He tells me to take my time and he will be patient.  My kids tell me to marry him and my pastor thinks he is the right man for me but says to pray on it.  I’m worn out.  What’s wrong with me.  What can I do?

Answer:

There is nothing wrong with you.  You have concerns.  Based on what happened to you in the past , they are reasonable.

It also is true you have cared for yourself and previously your children on your own for many years.  Applaud yourself for this great sacrifice and love you have shown for the children and your overall human success story.  You are a model for many single parents.

What you must do now is decide how you want to spend the rest of your life.  You appear to have the choice of staying single or marrying this “wonderful widower”.  Only you can decide what to do.  Others can advise you and support you, but the ultimate decision is yours.

I believe for one who wants to be married, that a good marriage is the greatest gift a human being can have.  The love a loving couple shares can diminish the biggest of disappointments and increase the satisfaction of happy times.  It is having someone there to share all the moments of your lives.  This includes laughing together over the happy times as well as crying and supporting each other during the sad times.

If your life is full and you do not want to open yourself up and risk yourself and feelings in a marital relationship, then do not do it now.  Your friend tells you to take your time.  Follow his advice.

Do not let the bad experiences with your ex-husband cause so much fear in you that you are afraid to commit to a relationship.  That would give victory over you to a man who betrayed his responsibilities to his children and left you to take care of them.

This man does not at all appear to be anything like your ex-husband.  The only thing they seem to have in common is that they are men.

If you do consider marrying this man, it is always a good practice to see what the person’s family as well as your family and significant others think of him.  He obviously passes this test with As.  His family, your family, your friends and your pastor all feel he is a good man and would be a good husband.

It does appear you want to marry him.  You say “I believe I want it, but am afraid”.  Do not let fear motivate you.  This appears to be a second chance for a good marriage; however, you are the one who must ultimately make this decision.

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Speaking Psychologically 05-01-12

Listen to Dr.Braccio discuss with Tony Conley how many adult children inappropriately manipulate grandparents to take their responsibilities in escort mersin raising their children. He says grandparents need to determine what is reasonable support and what is manipulation by their children to get them to take on their responsibilities.

Dr. Braccio specifically mentioned the following manipulation techniques used by adult children:

1. Guilt- “You don’t care for us.”

2. Selfish- “You are selfish and only thinking of yourself.”

3. Lack of Love- “You do not love me or your grandchildren.”

4. Inconsiderate- “You are inconsiderate.”

5. Hurt and Angry Feelings- “You hurt me and make me angry.”

6. Withholding Approval- “You aren’t my parents. Loving parents would not treat us like this.”

7. Negative Comparison- ” You are not at all like Aunt Mary and Uncle Harry who love their children and grandchildren.”

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Look Out For These Manipulative Signs

Look Out For These Manipulative Signs

Question

 

Dr.Braccio:  My daughter knows how to mersin anamur escort bayanları push my buttons to always get me to do what she wants.  I always say I won’t allow her to do it again but she never fails.  For an ongoing example, we love our grandchildren but she drops them off whenever she wants whether it’s convenient for us or not.  If I complain, she gets some combination of hurt, angry, haughty, tearful and says we don’t love her or them or are so selfish we only think of ourselves.  She also compares me to who she has determined are loving parents and grandparents.  I then wilt and do what she wants.  Then, in an indignant huff, she’s off to do who knows what.  What’s wrong here and what can I do?

 

Answer

 

You are being manipulated by your daughter.  You need to say enough of this and not allow it.

 

Simply stated, manipulation is a practice that manipulators use to get people to do what they want without telling their real intentions.  It is a shadowy and dishonest practice that is very effective with the person whose buttons can be pushed.

 

You love your daughter and also your grandchildren and want to see them.  However, you want to control when you see them.  Your daughter uses guilt when she says you do not want to see them and guilt and selfishness when you will not see them when it is not convenient for you.

 

The following are some key labels manipulators use and from which you must defend yourself.  To some degree, they all relate to you and your daughter.

 

1.  Guilt.  Do not allow this useless and destructive feeling to in effect make you do what you do not want to do.  You have every right to decide when you will see the grandchildren and not their parent.

2.  Selfish.  When you do not do what your daughter wants, she in effect calls you selfish.  You feel bad about this label and give in to her. In truth, she is selfish for trying to make you take on her responsibility as a parent when it suites her purpose.

3.  Lack of love.  You hate this accusation and you are forced to show your love for your daughter and grandchildren, as in this case, by doing what is desired by your manipulating daughter.

4.  Inconsiderate.  By not doing what the manipulator wants, you are presented as an inconsiderate person and you believe it.  Of course it is absolutely the opposite.

5.  Hurt and angry feelings.  The manipulator is often the drama king or queen.  In this case, your daughter gets hurt and angry and does all she can to push you to help out as she desires.  She is playing the role of the victim.  This statement said in dramatic terms would be typical: “If you cared, you would show your love for me and your

grandchildren by watching them tonight”.

6.  Withholding approval.  Because people want approval from those they love and care for, this is a powerful tool manipulators use to get conformity to their wills.

7.  Negative comparison.  To compare you unfavorably with persons who are defined as loving their children and grandchildren can be painful to resist.  A typical button pushing statement would be as follows:  “Aunt Mary really loves her daughter and grandchildren.  She’s not like you and never places her selfish needs ahead of those she says she loves”.

Any questions or comments would be appreciated.

John H. Braccio