June 6, 2023 Guilt is a very difficult thing for most persons to get right. Therapists will tell you that a good percentage of their clients suffer from some form of guilt. The problem is knowing what is positive guilt versus negative guilt. Positive guilt is when a person is aware they have done something wrong to another person and tries to make amends as best as can be done,and then let’s it go. This can be done by directly talking to the person and indicating they have done wrong and trying to do whatever can best be done to overcome the harm that has been caused and make things right. Problems occur when a person carries guilt even after they have done all they can to correct it. This does not mean the person has not done wrong, but to carry guilt for something that is resolved or cannot be resolved is a waste of time and can drag a person down. This does not mean the person does not have some bad feelings about what has been done, but is aware to carry guilt around will drag them down emotionally and interfere with their own psyche and interactions with other persons. It also can result in someone playing the role of martyr, which is not healthy for anyone involved. The martyr uses guilt to control a person with guilt that never ends. Negative guilt is the type that manifests itself with poor self-esteem, unrealistic expectations of what one can do, and often feeling guilty for things they have no control. An example would be something a mayor has done in a city that somehow the citizen feels they are guilty. To feel bad about something that a mayor has done is reasonable, but it is not reasonable to carry guilt and feel bad for something they have no control. It is a clear waste of time and can lead not only to poor self esteem but also anxiety,shame,social withdrawal,insomnia and depression. Another example would be if a relative or friend does something wrong and somehow the person carries the guilt for the act or behavior when in reality they have no control over what has occurred. A person with reasonable guilt is able to recognize when they do wrong and the recognition of what they have done and the attempt to resolve it will build strength, not only in themselves but in their relationships with others. This is the goal of a person who means well, but is aware that human beings fail and the best of us make mistakes that can hurt other persons. It is also important persons learn from what occurred and not do it again.